done // m.f. & s.m.

f o u r

"Okay, Mark, fine. That restaurant was really good," Sean sighed, unlocking the door of our house.

"I told you! You can never go wrong with a family owned Korean place," he said triumphantly as we walked into the house.

"Shall we watch a movie?" I asked, plopping onto the couch and turning the TV on.

"I'd love to, Jax, but I gotta film another video for tomorrow," Sean emitted.

"Uh, yeah, and I have uh, I should also film, as well," Mark stuttered, glancing at Sean.

"Aaaalright if you guys are gonna be big buzzkills and make me watch this movie alone, then fine," I sighed, laying down on the couch and scrolling through our on demand. Sean jogs into his room and Mark stumbles towards his, glancing over at me before walking in and shutting the door behind him. I browse the movie section of on demand until I find Antman, which I'd never really seen before.

About halfway through the movie, around 2:30am, I hear Mark's door open. A shadowy figure starts to approach the couch and takes a seat on the opposite side of me. "How was filming?" I ask him, turning my attention back to the television.

"Wanna go for a drive?" he asked quietly.

"Hmm?" I respond. "Why?"

He shrugged timidly. "I like to go for drives sometimes, it clears my head and makes me feel warm and stuff."

My heart pounded. His bashful demeanor was adorable. "Yeah, Mark, I'll go on a drive with you."

His face lit up as he stood from the couch. He hurried to his room again to get his keys as I turned the TV off. I fumbled around in the now nearly pitch black living room trying to get to my room so I could put my shoes on. "Where are you going?" Mark asked, already opening the front door.

"To..get my shoes?" I said, confused.

"There's no time for that! We gotta go now or else I'll diiiiieeee," Mark whined. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, fine, I'll just go without my shoes, I guess," I settled, following Mark outside of the house. He unlocked his car as we got closer, the cool pavement of the driveway making friends with the bottom of my feet. I scuttled to the passenger side and swung the door open, climbing into the leather seat of the Lexus. 

The air outside was crisp and the night sky was painted with tiny stars. Mark's car had a sunroof, so the glow of the moon spilled into the privacy of the vehicle. I glanced at Mark as I swung my seat belt over my shoulder. His tan face looked a pale blue in the moonlight, which made his otherwise beautiful features look pained. My heart ached at the thought of him taking me on this drive in order to feel better about himself.

Mark pulled out of the driveway and began heading away from the house, soft music playing in the background. "Mark, are you okay?" I questioned softly after a few minutes of complete silence.

He sniffled. "I don't really know," he told me, his grip on the steering wheel beginning to tighten. "I just needed to-I just-I don't know, Jax," he stammered, his voice breaking towards the end of the sentence.

"You can tell me, Mark." My heart was breaking. "You can trust me if you need someone to talk to." He sighed and his voice quivered.

He stopped at a stop sign and covered his face with his hands. I put my hand on his thigh and he sighed again. He tried collecting himself and put his hands back on the wheel.

"Okay," he began. "Okay. I've just kinda been..struggling, to deal with some things, you know? Like I thought I got over it, and I thought I was done with it, but then when I think about it again, I spiral and I need space and I can't breathe and I need a break."

I nodded. "Was it something in particular?"

He sighed again. "My uh, my dad died after I graduated high school, and then not too long ago, uh, my really good friend Daniel passed away. I just like, miss them, ya know? I just miss them."

"Hey, I know what you mean." My stomach tightened as I carefully thought about my next words. "My mom died when I graduated high school, too. My dad has been great, and my sister tried to help me as much as she could, but it's just hard to lose someone like that. It's hard to forget about memories you made with them and it's hard to not wish they were still here to make more memories with you, and to see what you've been up to."

"My mom's the best, but I just wish I could hear my dad tell me that he loves me one more time." Mark was crying now. He turned the car into a parking lot by the beach and messily parked in a spot. He put his head on the steering wheel and cried softly into it. I placed my hand on his back.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here with you," I cooed, rubbing his back. My lip quivered. Seeing Mark like this was not my favorite thing ever. Knowing that we shared the same trauma was comforting, but scary. Losing a parent when you're at such a pivotal point in your life is one of the toughest things I ever had to go through. I can't believe Mark went through the same thing. He picked his head up and looked at me, his eyes glossy. "I understand what you're going through."

He smiled softly. "I appreciate you, Jax."

He pulled me into an awkward hug over the center console and put his head in the crook of my neck. His wet face made my neck cold and his hair tickled my ear. He smelled of hair gel and leather and his body was warm. I buried my face into his shoulder.

We sat there holding each other for several minutes; the soft sound of pop music playing in the background filled our ears. Mark had stopped crying now but still had his face buried in my neck. "You smell really nice," he told me. His voice vibrating on my neck sent chills down my spine.

"Thank you," I chuckled, trying to keep myself from melting.

"Should we head back?"

"Maybe." I didn't want this moment to end, but it was getting late. I begrudgingly let Mark go and he retracted. He took a deep breath and put the car into reverse, pulling out of the spot and heading back home.