Videotape

Chapter 6

"I don't know. I just really like Jade. As a friend, of course, but still. We have so many of the same interests, and I feel comfortable around her," I explained to Dr. Fisher, who was sitting in the armchair across from me. She smiled warmly, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she did. "I'm glad you've found someone you can relate to. I know you have Felix already, but I'm happy for you regardless. It's good to have a lot of support."

I smiled. "It is."

For the last week, I'd gone to Jade's house every day except for Monday to jam after school. She seemed to enjoy my company, and God, did I enjoy hers. We'd already learned several songs together, and I learned a lot more about her in that time. She had a history of depression like me, but she'd recovered long ago thanks to medication. She was in therapy, too, which was why we couldn't get together on Monday. She'd had a hard past; her father left her and her family when she was two, her mother overworked herself to support her and Ethan and was rarely home, and she'd been bullied a lot growing up. "That was how I got into music," she'd told me. "I needed something to turn to, and that ended up being it." When I told Jade about my own life, she seemed to understand each and every word that I said. She knew a lot about me too now; that was to be expected, considering how easy it was to talk to her. Each day, I grew more and more excited to see her during and after school, and I soon found my moments with her to be the brightest ones of each and every day. Now here I was, gushing about her to my therapist after another long day.

"I'm afraid that's all the time we have today, but this seems like a good ending point, doesn't it?" Dr. Fisher's grin widened. I nodded. "Yeah, that's fine. Same time next week?"

"Of course," Dr. Fisher replied. She stood up from the armchair and walked over to the door, holding it open for me to walk out. "I wish you the best until then. Have a nice rest of your night!"

"You too!"

I made my way to the front entrance of the building, where my father was waiting for me in the waiting room. He glanced up at me as I entered the room. "Hey, kiddo," he said. "Ready to go?" I nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."

The ride home was a quiet one, for the most part. I sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window and contemplating our odds of getting into a wreck until my father cleared his throat. "Have you talked to Felix at all lately?" he asked. I nodded. "We've talked a few times over the last few days. Why?"

My father looked worried. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, eyebrows furrowing. "I talked to him earlier today. He seemed down. It's not like him. Has he seemed like that to you?"

I nodded. "He misses me. I miss him too," I replied.

"Maybe that's why," my father said with a sigh. "You should call him later."

"I will."

Neither of us said another word for the rest of the way home. Once we pulled into the driveway, I exited the car and headed for the front door, where I held it open for my father before racing to my room. I curled up in my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin as I checked my phone for notifications. No one had tried to reach me. Figures, I said as I dialed Felix's number and pressed the call button, putting the phone on speaker. As usual, he answered almost immediately. "Hey, Ase!" he greeted me.

"Hey, Felix," I said. "How's your day?"

"It's been alright. Carmen's been asleep all day, though. She hasn't been feeling well."

"Oh. Tell her I hope she feels better, then," I said.

"Will do."

There was a long silence. Felix cleared his throat. "How's Jade?" he asked.

"She's good," I said. "She's really good. We've been jamming almost every day." I heard Felix snicker on the other end. "So I've heard," he chuckled. "You like her, don't you?"

"What? No! No, not like that." I said quickly. "As a friend, sure. She's really nice and talented. She's gorgeous, too, but I don't like her as anything more than a friend. What would make you think that?" I couldn't help but notice how high my voice sounded, and I couldn't help but cringe. Felix laughed. "You told me you were gay years ago, sis, and you talk about her in the same way I talk about Carmen. I'm not an idiot. So, do you? Like her, I mean."

I opened my mouth to say "no", but stopped myself. I considered Felix's words for a moment, then thought about how I felt around Jade. Did I consider her a friend? Something more? She was nice, of course, and incredibly talented as well. I remembered how I'd felt the first time we met up in the art room together and I first noticed how indescribably gorgeous she was. I remembered how warm my cheeks felt whenever she complimented me, and how my heart fluttered every time she hugged me or touched my shoulder. I remembered how at home I felt whenever she was anywhere near me.

Oh God, I thought to myself. Is Felix right? Am I in denial?

"Well?"

I snapped out of my thoughts. "Sorry," I said. "I was just thinking."

Felix sighed in exasperation. "My God, Ase, spill the beans! Do you like this girl?"

"Maybe a little," I said quietly.

"A little?" Felix teased.

I let out a long sigh. "Fine. A lot," I admitted. "What does it matter, though? She's never going to like me back, and who's to say that this'll last? It could just be a weird crush that'll go away in a few days."

"I guess the latter might be true," Felix said, "but who's to say she'll never like you back? She could be bi or a lesbian. You never know. That, and you two seem to be getting along well, so anything's possible."

I sighed once more. "Maybe," I said. "God, Felix, she really is incredible."

"Aww, Ase, that's adorable," Felix cooed. "I'll have to meet her when I visit you. Promise you'll introduce us?"

"Sure."

There was another long silence.

"I kind of want to tell her, now that I think about it," I began slowly, "but I feel like she'll hate me."

"Ase, I assure you, Jade will not hate you for having a crush on her. From what you've told me in these last few days, she seems pretty understanding and empathetic. It'll probably be awkward when you tell her, but aside from that, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about."

"You really think so?" I asked.

"I know so," Felix reassured me. "I have to go now. Carmen's calling me from the other room. Promise me you won't beat yourself up over this?"

"Sure."

"Ase, promise me," Felix said sternly.

I giggled. "Fine," I said. "I promise. Now go to your girlfriend."

There was a long silence.

Felix drew in a deep breath. "Fiancée," he whispered.

"What?!" I shrieked, sitting bolt upright in bed. "Felix!" But he was already gone. I sighed, laughing softly to myself. "Jerk," I muttered under my breath. Even Felix was full of surprises these days. I hoped he was right about Jade.