elliot edwards and the pursuit of finding oneself

six (edited)

my mom was wrong about harry. he didn't come into the diner every day like he used to. he comes once a week. fridays. throughout the week i've pondered the possibility that he's met someone else. maybe he has dinner with his new family on all the other days of the week.

there's two possibilities. either he has a new family, or he doesn't. but even if he does, the fact that he still comes into the diner every friday night, the fact that he has a usual, the fact that he pays chuck to keep alice's picture up, and the fact that he writes over her mark on the doorframe... even if he has someone new, it proves his heart is still with alice.

my first day at the diner went well. in fact it went so well that i find myself there every moment i can be. there's something about working where my mom did that's so invigorating... euphoric almost... i never want to leave. it's almost like she's a ghost, and i can feel her rollerskating around me, serving burgers and burnt fries.

"harry?" i said into the phone in my room on wednesday night once i was sure aunt ellen had left the apartment. "hello elliot. are we rearranging our plans?" he asked. "no, the plan is still on." i start. "alright, anything you need?" he questioned. for a moment i stayed quiet. maybe i'll hear a child in the backround, or a wife dropping a spoon in the kitchen. but all i heard was silence.

"elliot?" he repeated. "yeah, sorry. i'm really tired. i guess i just zoned out." i told him. "tha's alright. everythin' okay?" he asked. fuck he's nice. i barely know him but my heart swells at the thought of him being my dad. i'm on the phone with my dad. could life get any more surreal? "yeah, actually i just wanted to ask you something. you said alice used to rollerskate in the diner."

"yeah, she did. the rollerskates with the-" "purple laces, yes." i interrupt. "you remembered." he said, almost flattered. "anyways, i love that, and i just wanted to know if it was okay... well if it would make you sad or upset or something... but i just thought i'd ask if it were okay if i did it now. it might lighten the place up a bit. it might light me up a bit." i told him. "elliot?" he said. "yeah harry?" i responded anxiously. "i'd love that."

so, on thursday morning i woke up bright and early and grabbed a wad of cash out of the pickle jar on my dresser, and found myself buying a pair of rollerskates with purple laces before picking up megan and walking to school. megan already had a pair (with orange laces) so she loved the idea of us skating to places together instead of our usual routine of walking.

it's now friday morning, and for once in my life, i don't need coffee to get me through my classes. "elliot?" aunt ellen calls out. "one second!" i respond, rushing out of the bathroom. "what's up?" i question, approaching her at the kitchen table. "i've hardly seen you with your new job and stuff." she states. "sorry about that." i say, sitting at the table and stealing a slice of her bacon.

"why the diner though? didn't you wanna ask for a job at the library?" she asks. this is aunt ellen's way of trying to find out how much i know, and what was in the letter. "my mom worked there. it was in the letter." i tell her. "she used to skate while she was working." i add. "hence your new skating obsession." she states. she already knew everything i was telling her though.

"did the letter say anything about me by any chance?" she questions, biting her innercheek descreetly. "uh, not that i remember. sorry." she wanted to know if i knew that she was my mom's best friend, but something in the back of my head wanted to keep that just between me and my mom right now. "oh... alright. how about your dad?" she asks.

oh. so this is what she's getting at. she knows that harry is my father, meaning she knows he goes to the diner, and now im working there. i can see why this might make her a bit queasy. "they were in love, she left to live out her dreams, he stayed here. who knows where he is now. i don't even know his name. i don't really think that was the point of the letter." i lie.

aunt ellen looks as though she's going to pop like a balloon, but instead she slowly deflates, letting the air trickle out of her nose. "is that all? i've got school. oh and im working today. might go out for a bit with the other server afterwards." I tell her. "alright. be safe. i know it's not much but here's a twenty to hold you off until you get your first paycheck." she says, sliding a bill across the table.

"thanks. gotta run though." and with that, i was off. i only have one class on fridays, so by nine thirty i was zooming out of school on my brand new rollerskates, making it to the diner by ten. despite how often i'm working, i'm more awake than i've ever been. my whole life is like a constant adrenaline rush. the good kind, not the anxiety attack kind (most of the time).

"rollerskates?" chuck asked me as i skated into the hall. "yeah. less boring." i told him. during the rest of the hours leading up to when i was supposed to meet harry my mind wandered south. the way he looked at me when he first saw me... not to mention his stare when i told him my name... and if he already suspected that i was his son, it would make sense for me to find him there if i was looking (which i was), and all my questions probably proved his theory.

it made perfect sense. what grumpy new yorker in their right mind would treat me with the kindness i was recieving from harry? and the fact that he was the one who suggested meeting again... either he's a closeted petophile, or he knows. and as far as i can tell from what i've observed, it's most likely the latter.

harry arrived at six fifty-two (eight minutes early) with a smile that lit up when he saw me. "hey harry!" i say, whizzing past him (rollerskating) to place a milkshake in front of a little girl. "feels like alice is here again." he tells me from the other side of the counter. "anyways." he clears his throat, not letting his emotions get the best of him, while i tried to do the same.

"let me just fill in my time card in the back and i'll be right out." i tell him. "oh, actually, i kinda have this deal with chuck-" he starts. "oh! he told me about that. wanna come back with me?" i ask. "yeah, cool. thanks." he says before following me back to the hallway. "i remember this day." he said, stopping in front of her picture.

"you know, towards the end she used to talk about settling down... popping out a few kids maybe. emily or emma she'd say. ethan or elliot for a boy." he tells me softly, smiling at the photo. suddenly the adrenaline supply went haywire, and i finally had the courage to ask him. "do you know?"