Peppermint

The second day of summer 1998

I woke up facing Violet , her tears stained onto her cheeks after she'd been crying into a bowl of popcorn . Last night we'd had a sleepover and watched sad romantic movies while crying our eyes out . We burnt wrens football T-shirt and threw his badge out the window while screaming "fuck you", and it was , a good release of anger .
I stared st her for a while before I saw her eyes flutter open .
"Morning , we're going to the beach today right ? With Caroline and Charlotte right ? Oh and Andrea . And the boys as well - but not Wren"
"Yep, ok" I sighed into my pillow . I really needed to practise today but I felt bad for violet so I decided to go with her today and practise tomorrow . Instead of wearing the bikini Violet basically broke down because of , I wore the black one I'd also bought . We raced down to the beach , the 5 of us , to meet the boys and splash in the sea . When we got there I noticed one of my friends Marley staring at me - and we went off onto a log to start talking . He asked me what I'd been up to and how I looked hot in my bikini -
That's when it happened . I almost had sex for the first time . But I didn't .
We walked off to the beach huts and went inside one , before he started kissing my lips and kissing down my neck . But it didn't feel right , it didn't feel magical and his mouth tasted disgusting , like burgers and grease and smoke mixed in too , I hated it . He took off my top and my jeans and started kissing down my body but I was feeling nothing . Desperate , I started kissing him harder but nothing was working , he just felt like a weight there , there was nothing magical about it . He unzipped his jeans but I stopped him .
"Ummm sorry , I just don't feel right like this . I'm not feeling good and I don't really want to have sex ." I shrugged .
"I'm amazing at it, as you've probably heard from other girls , I don't mind -
"I don't feel anything . I don't want u to kiss me or have sex with me I just feel absolutely nothing - I'm sorry" . I then pulled on my clothes and ran out of the hut down the beach towards violet - to which she had her arm drooped around Max heathy , kissing him and looking like they were going to explode with fireworks any minute . I felt a sudden feeling of jealousy between the two, and felt surprised at myself . Why should I be jealous of my best friend with another guy? I should be happy for her , not jealous ? I walked out to the small lapping of the waves , letting them softly rest against my ankles , going in and out with the tide . I felt kind of alone , and didn't want my best friend to ditch me for s guy , even though I was ditching her for dance. I looked back and saw she had begun to walk toward a beach hut with max , and I knew that they'd do it there . I felt another pang of jealousy and thought "why could I possible be jealous?"

As the party swung into full party mode , with food and drinks and dancing and music , I saw that Violet was nowhere to be found . I thought that I'd enjoy myself until 10 , which was in two hours , and then drive myself home . I'd let violet have fun for once in a while , she never does .
"Come on Alison , lets go have some fun!!"
Caroline shouted over the music , she was obviously drunk , but I still let her and Charlotte drag me towards the speakers and we danced for a while to the upbeat music until they got tired out and went to get more drinks . When they did this I decided I wanted to leave . I never saw violet get back so I thought I'd let her get it on with max ... I walked back towards her car to see that she was sitting in it looking miserable again .
I opened the car door and sat next to her, looking at her through those bright sea blue eyes . "What's up?" I asked .
"I'm never going to get a boyfriend" she whimpered . "I'm so bad at sex . I was going to with max heathy , but I didn't want to at the last second . I just decided that I felt nothing" the tears started to roll down her face right at that second .
"It's ok ,vi , i feel the same way - with Marley, you know , we were about to have sex but I felt nothing like no spark and his breath smelt like grease and cigarettes and fast food . It was disgusting. I ran out and saw you kissing max ."
"Oh- yeah . I just feel like now all the boys are going to think I'm frigid . They won't want to have sex with me"
"I would have sex with you - if I were gay, I mean ." I laughed imagining me and violet having sex . It wasn't too bad to be honest.
"You would ? If I was gay I would have sex with you too ."
We looked into each other's eyes before she started up the engine and drove me home , saying that she'd stay at her house tonight because it was unfair on my mum . I think that was an excuse , because the longest she's stayed here is 2 and a half weeks , and breaks to go and get more stuff while she was here . Maybe it's what I said to her ? I don't know . I just know that I felt nothing with Marley Baxter and she felt nothing with Max heathy .