Peppermint

The fourth day of summer 1998

I woke up to her sleeping on the left side of me , her delicate brown hair twisting around her shoulders as she slept like a baby- I could hear her soft breathing echoing through the small space between us . And then her wide eyes blinked open - those golden pools of sugary honey. Her eyes were the colour of rich soil flecked with black, eyes the colour of dark chocolate with flecks of hazel nut, the colour of hot chocolate, the deep brown of the winter trees at twilight, the lightened brown of parched summer soil, glossy chestnut brown, the colour of unvarnished oak with deep mahogany flecks, and they were always beautiful .
"Woah, creepy, do you need to just stare at me like that? I've just woken up" she laughed , sweetly , the dimples in her cheeks forming as she started to smile - that beautiful smile, and it was like she lit up a whole room with those dazzling teeth, those soft pink lips.
"Sorry, I'll stop looking at you ." I replied , laughing along with her .
I turned over , all the while wondering what it would be like to kiss her- imagining those soft velvety lips on mine , touching that beautifully perfect face while we hold each other .
How can I even be thinking these thoughts ? She's my best friend , I've known her for four years , I know everything about her , all her secrets , everyone she's liked , her embarrassing stories , her self esteem issues, her favourite colours, her favourite films, I know every trait about her .

I was pulled back into reality as she told me  she was getting changed , getting ready for the day, and then proceeded to pull her hair through her hairbrush, making it become wavy and smooth, curling down her back. I forced down the desire to look at her perfect body while she got changed , and looked at the tv instead , only seeing the curl of her hair from the corner of my eye. She had slept over at my house last night , after I'd finished dancing , like she does pretty much every weekend anyway . We never run out of things to talk about , there's always something new that seems to be an interesting topic of conversation , whether it's about a new tv programme , what happens when you die , books , dreams , stories , the future , the past , school , heaven and hell, our problems , people we have crushes on , world problems , it's on going . And even when we have silence , it doesn't even feel awkward , it's just a comfortable silence , not one of this heavy stone like silences that you just want to get away from ...

I never really thought about my sexuality before - to be honest , everyone in Rochester is "straight". I don't know of anyone who's bisexual or gay or lesbian or anything like that, it's usually just - everyone is born straight . It's men and women , not men and men or women and women . There's no teenagers that I know who are both girls and have lost their virginity to each other - it's always been that boys have sex with girls , boys date girls , boys get married to girls , have children . It's never been a town where lots of people come out, or where girls have relationships with other girls . It's never been like that and probably never will be , and anyway , I want to move to Florida, or LA, or New York , everything there is probably much better than Rochester...
when I was thinking about this , I looked at a gay test in a book from the library - I mean I know it's stupid but I've come to the realisation that I have feelings for violet and no one else . Sex with Marley was awful yet when me and vi said one word to each other I felt tingles and sparks . It might just be me though ... while clicking the right boxes of this test I started to feel like it was a bad idea . "Have you had sexual imtercourse with members of the opposite sex, same sex , or both ?"
Well then that makes it a bit obvious doesn't it huh . I've never even had sex !
Well the results said I'm a lesbian . So . I must be ? Right . But it's a stupid little test , so it might not even be right ... but I don't even know if I want to be a lesbian - to be labelled with that , do I ?

Me and vi had planned to go to the hills the next day - and so we did . We walked there early in the morning while the sun was rising and I kept brushing her hand . I felt a spark every time I did it and just wanted to hold her hand - but I didn't , I was too scared . What if me telling her about my feelings towards her ruined our relationship - what if she doesn't feel the same way back ?
We got to the hills and the whole day we spent there was amazing . We walked along the paths and picked flowers and talked , we sat down in the grass and ate a picnic , we fed the ducks with our leftover Bread and dipped our toes into the massive lake , then walking across the bridge. She was so beautiful in every way and I don't know how she didn't see it .