Buzz

I want you dead.

Matt POV

It happened in a split second. Will spun around and back handed me, causing my sunglasses to fall the ground - shattering.

A wild look took over his eyes. A wild look that scared me. His eyes widened - showing the whites of his eyes as more prominent and his pupils seeming smaller.

"Will, let me expl-"

He jumped in the air and spun, kicking me straight in the jaw. Landing on his hands - like a breakdancer - he spun on the ground and kicked me in the ankle. I fell with a thud on the ground - which I'm sure bruised my arm.

But he wasn't done, he pushed himself into a standing position in an aggressive-like elegance, unstrapped a knife from his thigh and threw it at me. It landed inbetween my legs just below my crotch. Then he unstrapped another and I knew this one would hit so I rolled to my side and it landed an inch from my face.

"WILL", I screamed. At this point a crowd began gathering - gawking at the spectacle. I swiftly got to my feet and ran toward him, hopping to tackle him.

But he had other plans.

He slid between my legs, the back of his foot hitting my crown jewels. I doubled over in pain and he used his momentum to push himself up on his hands. Upside down he used his legs to push me back so I landed face first in the dirt - I could feel the sand in my mouth.

I could hear him unstrap another knife.

This is how I die. This is how I deserve to die.

I heard a gun click before I heard her cold voice, "Enough or die." I groaned as I rolled on my back. Valerie had a gun aimed at Will and Will had a knife aimed at me.

I saw the fearless look in his eyes. The lack of fear. He wasn't afraid of death and that scared me, I can't lose him.

I can't lose him.

"Will, kill me...if it makes you happy please kill me."

I saw a glint of sadness in his eyes. I saw him fighting it - freezing it over. But I still saw it. Then the wild frenzy returned. He dropped the knife.

"I want you dead", he spat at me.

And with that he walked away with Valerie.

I limped to my tent, and once I entered the stuffy, humid tent, I cried. I wailed to the point where I couldn't breathe. So after the sob racked my body until my chest hurt - my heart ached and I started contemplating. Should I leave? Should I leave so he can be happy?

I lost my chance...

I dont want anyone else. I want Will. I want his small frame molding against mine. I want his hugs, his comfort. His laugh. The laugh that echoed in my ears when I'm dreaming. Dreaming about him.

He hates me. He wants me dead. There's no hope of ever getting him back. Will...hates me.

My Will hates me.

I screamed my heart out. The tears wouldn't stop coming. Not from the pain, not from the rejection. From the loss of something precious, something that made me happy in this shit hole that is now reality. It wasn't a break up. It was so much more. It was a breaking of a heart, a breaking of a connection that I thought would last.

I started banging my head with my hands, "Stupid, stupid, STUPID."

Maybe he'll be better off with Logan. Maybe he'll be happy again, even if I can never hear his laugh. See the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs or the way he covers his mouth when he yawns. The way he cocks his head when he's confused. The way his sharp eyes seem to know everything.

My tent opened silently and I didn't bother looking up. Kill me...just kill me.

"You know he was happy. He was happy with me... I broke down his walls. There are a lot of them", Logan said coldly.

I buried my head in my hands, "I know...I just thought..."

"Thought what? That you could just waltz in and he'd swoon? Dude, he was happy... why would you do that?"

I kept quiet. What was I honestly expecting? I left him. I left him. Out of fear. I was scared and made him who he is today. I left him...

"Leave him alone dude, leave him alone so he can be happy. If you care about him...just leave him alone"

And with that he left the tent. There was nothing left to say. I felt empty, numb and...scared. I did this to him. He hates me... My heart clenched in absolute agony.

The tears silently steamed down my eyes. I clutched my bruised arm, I relished the pain - it didn't compare to the pain I put him through. Maybe it's time I moved on... Let Will be happy without me. Let someone make him smile who isn't me. Make someone see the smile that I'll never see. The memories are all I have. I'll keep them, I'll relive them. But that's all they'll be...memories. I'd be happy to just stare at him in the dark - just knowing he's there...

The way our hands fold together. Even when we fought I can't get the picture of his face out of my mind. I loved him. I still love him...

I guess the best option is to let someone else love him. I'll be content knowing that he's happy. I can't make him happy anymore. That's not my option anymore.

What I would give to have him smile because of me. To make him laugh because of me. To make him blush because of me. To make him...love me.

I threw up in the rubbish bin. Tears flowed down my eyes, they wouldn't stop. The pain was too much - he was my everything.

I screamed, "YOU WERE MY... everything"

I felt her presence before I heard her, "Are you done howling like a lunatic?"

I wiped my eyes, "I guess so..."

She looked at me with an icy - yet gentle - gaze, "Compose yourself, Will has decided to leave the camp. He could've have been a valuable asset to this camp but he allowed emotions get the better of him. That was his mistake, don't let it prompt you to do the same."

My heart kicked in full speed, "It's dangerous out there"

"He doesn't care and neither do I. This isn't a prison. Listen to me soldier, sexual orientation means nothing to me. Drama, emotions, they mean nothing to me. You are a soldier - your duty is to ensure that this base is secure. So compose yourself. You have work to do and I can not allow your emotions to result in death. I can give you a few hours to get over your self pity, but once you leave this tent you have responsibilities. If you can not handle them then I will give you another job - or you're free to leave. The altercation has caused quite a ruckus. My soldiers are trained. Emotions are irrelevant. So tell me now, are you still capable to defending our borders or not."

I wiped my nose, took a deep breath, " I can still preform my duty."

"He will come back, I know it", she said while putting her hand on her shoulder.

"Next time, don't be a coward and he will come back."

She turned around and her yellow hair flowed as she did so, "You have five minutes, then get back to work."

Typical of Valerie. Business.