Whenever I look at his hazel eyes, I can see so much fondness and warmth. That night we're watching a movie, a random film we had picked out at my sister's room and snuggled back on the couch, popcorn and two cans of cola between us. It was peaceful. The only sound that we can hear was the sound of a woman talking on the television and the sound of an old clock that my grandmother gave to me on my thirteenth birthday which was five years ago.
*Flashback*
We are inside my older sister's room picking a film for our movie night. My sister isn't home because she's at her boyfriend's house so she might not go home tonight.
"Sol, what do you think about this movie?, " I handed him a DVD that has a title "Before Sunrise".
"Uhmm, this film is nice." He said while checking the synopsis of the film at the back of the DVD.
In the middle of the movie, I felt a sharp pain in my heart. It felt like someone were squeezing it enough to make it burst, enough for it to make me feel lightheaded. It shook my entire core. I began to sweat and breathed heavily. When I look at Sol he's already sleeping. He's like an angel when he was sleeping that time. I didn't bothered to wake him up. He was exhausted. Well, I wouldn't want him to know the truth. Not this time. I just looked at him and hold his warm hands and said, "I love you, Sol."
I loved him, and I will always do. I always say these three words thinking that this might be the last time the I will say this words.
I get my meds and drink it and then the pain stops, that was the time I woke Sol up. I looked at him and met his gaze.
"Ohh sh*t, did I feel asleep?" He asked while scratching his eyes like a seven year old kid.
"Yeah, you look so exhausted." I said
I stood up, "We should sleep, its already past 12am. We can still continue the film next time."
"Yeah, sorry Luna I'm just really exhausted."
*End of Flashback*
***
I don't know what happened its just I want to end our three years relationship because of this secret. I don't want to be a burden to him. I don't want him to look at me with pity in his eyes. I tried to be cold to him. I avoided him. I kept on ignoring and dodging his calls and texts for weeks. I was being unfair that time. I know. After a month of dodging him, I know that was the time that I should tell him the truth. I don't know what to feel. My heart is heavy filled with mixed emotions. I really wanted to see him. I missed him.
***
I was walking alone along the street with full of people. My heart beats fast. A cold wind blew, I could feel the cold down to my spine and I hugged myself . There's no one who can give me warmth than you, Sol.
I took a deep breath before I enter the coffee shop, debating yet again the wisdom of this decision. I push through the door to the ding! of a cheerful bell. I looked around and I instantly spotted him there at our favorite spot where we could see the streets. He is wearing a plaid short sleeved shirt untucked, black jeans and a sneaker. He kept on looking back and forth to his watch like he's afraid of what I'm going to say.
When Sol look at me our eyes got locked. Sol stood up. When I get closer to him he wipes his hands on his jeans.
"Hello, Sol." I just figured that I might as well start.
"Luna." Just hearing his deep voice makes me want to hug him. His voice unleashes so many memories. Memories that I cherish forever.
"Sit." He said while pointing the chair across his chair.
