Distorted Days, Stolen Sanity ||Discontinued

Chapter Two

"Where to, today?" Jake asked.

"My bed," I replied quietly, staring out my window, tapping my fingers to the phone.

"You have to get out, babe. Get dressed, I'm coming over. And if you don't, I'll dress you for you. I know it's hard, but the more you do it the easier it will be."

"But-"

"No. No if, ands or buts. See you soon, Alex." The line buzzed with a dialtone, and my screen lit up against my cheek, telling me to put it down. But I couldn't. My arm would not lower, my fingers would not unclench, my hand muscles wouldn't relax. I was tense.

Pictures of everything flooded my brain. My mind raced with images of the people at the camps, of myself in the hospital, of myself and loved ones kept in that little room. Nothing was right. . .nothing. But, then again, it was. All was right. I needed that. I deserved that.

My mind raced and raced, like a racecar going around the track. Advertisments of my hell of an adventure lined the walls. I sped on, head starting to spin. My wheels were about to blow out, leaving skid marks along the concrete. My grip on the wheel got tighter but control was getting lost. I hit the brake but it wasn't connected; it didn't work and I didn't stop. There was a turn around me but I knew I wouldn't be able to get around it. I didn't have any control. My hands squeezed band shoulders pushed but with no energy. This was the end. I was going to burn out and flip again. This was his aim. THis was what he wanted. He wanted to end me.

The wall got closed and closer but there was no turn. There was no way a turn could be made, not if it was the widest turn at the slowest speed. I couldn't do it; I was incapable of doing it. And boom.

I hit the wall head-on, glass shattering and metal clashing. I couldn't breathe. Philip stood over me. This was his final plan. He wanted me to die. I wanted to die.

"Alex?" I heard as I gasped for air through the shattered windows. But wait. There was no car, no other man. I was on my bed, alone with my hand still glued to my phone glued to my head.

My cheeks were slick with tears, as well as my phone. "Here," I choked out, slowly nallowed my arm to untense and lower to the bed. My door creaked open.

"Why didn't you - oh, Alex. What happened?" Jake's eyes filled with worry as he looked at my face, shinning in the light and then at my arms.

"Wait, wh- Oh, my god. How did? But I don't. But. . ." I stared at my own arm now in despair. IT was scratched, cut, bleeding. Like i had been cut by broken glass. And sure enough, below me was a pile of broken light bulb, shattered to bits. Tears escaped my eyes again.

"Calm down, lets get you cleaned up, You're going to see a therapist tomorrow. You hear me? I made an appointment. The car again?"

"Y-yes, and he was there. He stood above me and watched m-me die. I'm not crazy," I said quickly as we walked towards the kitchen, leaning my weight on my boyfriend.

We walked into the kitchen, where mum was sitting at the table. Shit. "Oh, honey!" she gasped, and grabbed my other arm. "What happened to you?"

They both helped me to the table and sat me down, scurrying to get the proper tools to clean me up. Jake looked at me with sad eyes. I shook my head.

"Alex, honey?" she repeated, staring at me over her glasses. I sighed and nodded at Jake; there was no running away from this now.

"Alex has problems. Like, big ones. He doesn't think he does,  but he sees Fred in the clouds or grass. He doesn't sleep. He has severe anxiety and I'm pretty sure he has PTSD and some other stuff. I'm bringing him to therapy tomorrow. He also-"

"No need to give my life story, Jake."

"Actually, Alex, there is. Do go on Jake. Why didn't he tell me? Oh, my God." Her eyes became watery and i stared at my hands, which were shaking andbloody.

"He didn't want you to have to pay for anything else since there was nothing wrong, or out of the norm or whatever."

"So. . .this?" she asked, gesturing to me.

"He invisions that he's in a racecar, and can't make the turn and that Fred shows up to watch him die. I guess he broke a lightbulb like it was a window when he hit the wall. . ."

Then I saw what I was trying to avoid all along. My mum began to cry, her hands trembling as well. Jake's voice cracker and tears welled up in his eyes. Then Holly walked in. This was my fault. I made everyone cry. I hate myself. So did Fred. I deserved it all.

                                                                      ~~~~~~~~

To Whom Else It May Make Cry,

I hate this. Jake came over today and i ended up breaking a lightbulb when I was in the car again. I cut my arms up pretty bad without knowing. My mum knows now, and Holly does (sorta), too. MUm cried and Jake cried and Holly ran to her room. This is terrible.

I saw Fred today. He watched me die again in the car. The glass suffocated me.

Jake wanted to go somewhere today, but instead i got stiches. It scared me. Philip could've been that doctor, stabbing me with a needle. Harder and harder until it breaks something important. . .Do they not get it?

I start therapy tomorrow. I don't want to go. What if Fred is there? What if he uses it against me? Im so, so scared.

Help.

From,

Anxious Alex