What If? -Drarry

Part Three: Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Every pulse of blood felt like a hammer breaking into Harry's skull. Why did he have to do occlumency with Snape? Surely Dumbledore trusted him enough to... Harry halted the flow of thoughts there. There was no point in wondering why Dumbledore did what he did, and thinking about it would only make his headache worse.

His footsteps echoed harshly on the stone floor and he thanked whoever was watching that there were no students around to hear them - he was in too much pain to walk slowly.

"Illunga," He said, before realising that that hadn't been the password for more than a year. He shook himself. "Limerence." The door opened.

"How was it?" Draco asked concernedly, coming over to Harry and looking him over. "Is it your head again?"

Harry just nodded, allowing the invisibility cloak he had been wearing to drop to the floor. It was his fourth lesson with Snape, and they had fallen into something like a routine. First, the lesson. Then, briefly, the Guest Room. Finally, Gryffindor Tower - but only once the headache had died down a little. As they sat down on the cushy sofa, Draco handed Harry one of his miracle-working headache potions. He gulped it down, and felt what was like a trickle of warm, soothing water running down the inside of his skull. The pounding lifted, and he gave a sigh of relief.

"Better?" Draco asked.

"Much," Harry nodded. Draco leant into Harry and rested his head against his shoulder, while Harry put an arm around him. For a while, neither said anything, just existing with each other.

"You know," Draco started eventually, "We haven't slept - and I mean, literally slept - together very often, but whenever we do I fall asleep like that," He clicked his fingers. "Which is odd because I very rarely sleep like that anywhere."

Harry thought for a moment. "Well, usually you'll be quite tired by the time we're actually going to sleep if we do sleep together." He winked a Draco, who rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I did think of that," He continued, "but I don't think that's it. I'm very tired all the time, and usually, it doesn't make any difference." He looked at Harry. "I was thinking about it while I was waiting for you to finish your lesson. I think it's because I feel so much safer in here that anywhere else. I can't sleep in the dorm because I don't feel safe there. Same goes with the Manor - especially now. But when I'm here, it all seems to melt away." He smiled up at Harry, his left cheek dimpling the way Harry loved so much, and said, "I guess being with you just makes me feel really safe."

Harry grinned stupidly. "Thank you," He said, laughing a little embarrassedly. Draco shrugged, snuggling into Harry closing his eyes.

"You don't need to thank me for telling the truth," He said, smilingly.

0o0o

Harry knew he should go. Ron would be getting suspicious, Hermione worried, and anyway, he really should try to get a good night's sleep. But Draco looked so sweet and peaceful when he was asleep that Harry really couldn't bear to wake him up, and as he was using Harry's lap as a pillow, there wasn't any way that Harry could escape. Absent-mindedly, Harry ran his fingers through Draco's hair, feeling happy that he didn't slick it back anymore. Sleepily, he twirled a strand of hair around his fingers, loving the way the murky light from the pond playing tricks across his boyfriend's skin. Draco's hands clenched in his sleep and his brows furrowed. Harry wondered what he was dreaming about in a tired, abstract sort of way. Then Draco made a sort of whimpering noise.

"Please," He murmured, "No- st... no,"

Harry looked at him, confused. "Draco?" He asked, softly. Draco was shaking his head.

"Hurts..." he murmured again, covering his face with his hands. Harry shook his shoulder gently, worried that touching him would translate badly into the dream.

"Draco..." He said, louder. "Draco, wake up,"

Draco jerked awake and sat up quickly, looking wildly around. "What-" His voice broke and the word turned into a sob. "What?"

"Shhh," Harry pulled Draco towards him, holding him tightly. "You were just having a bad dream. You're safe here with me. Nothing can hurt you."

Draco buried his head in the crook of Harry's neck. "It felt so real," He whispered. He sounded very young.

"It was just a nightmare," Harry soothed, stroking his hair. "You're not there,"

"But that's just it!" Draco said, angrily. He looked at Harry, viciously wiping the tears from his face. "I'm safe until I walk out of here. Sooner or later I'm going to have to go back home, back to him," His voice caught. "I'll never be safe, Harry. I'll never escape."

A silence stretched between them as Harry grasped for something, anything to say. Draco looked at him, and sniffed.

"I'm sorry," He said, shaking his head. "You shouldn't have to worry about this, you've got other things to think about."

"No, don't say that." Harry said firmly, and took Draco's hands. "Don't ever not tell me something because you're worried about me, okay? I can deal with it. I want to know."

Draco nodded, not meeting Harry's eyes. Harry sighed.

"Look, it won't be like this forever. You can leave home when you're seventeen, then you'll be free to do what you want. We can be together when this is all over."

"I can't leave home when I'm seventeen!" Draco burst out. "I can leave home when an arranged marriage has been set up between me and some other pureblood, and then I can move into some other house, but it'll be the same prison, just in a different place." It was as though a barrier had broken. The words poured out of him and Harry wondered how long Draco had been keeping this locked away. "Don't you see, Harry? I signed on to a lifetime of this when I was born pureblood. I can't escape-"

"You will." Harry insisted. "I'll find a way to be with you. I won't let your dad have control over you. You'll see. I promise." He placed a hand on Draco's cheek. "I love you." He added, fiercely. A tear clung to Draco's eyelashes, then fell.

"When will you understand," he said in a broken voice, "That that isn't enough."