Security

I Need To Hide

"Honey can you come down here for a second?" My mother calls up to me. I'm searching for my journal and I can not find it. All I can think of is she has it. All of my deepest things are in there. So many things I don't want anyone, not even her to know.

"UH, Okay...I'm coming." I yell back. My heart is racing so fast and I start shaking. I run down stairs. I walk to the living room which they where in. My mom does not have my journal. In my mind all I think of is having to leave for a long time. Then my dad walks in the room.

"Did you tell her yet?" he asks. She nods her head.

"Tell me what? What is going on? What's happening?"My breathing begins to pick up and my heart feels like it is coming out of my chest. "Mom, Dad, Tell me what is wrong. Someone say something." They look at each other. A tear streams down my moms cheek. My dad turns his head away.

"Honey." My mom says. "Rider just..."

"MOM what happened to Rider?"

"Ryder just... just got into an accident and... and died." My heart instantly breaks. My brother was so nice to me, how could this happen? I hate everything. I hate life now. He helped me through so much.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Ryder... jumped." I drop to the floor on my hands and knees. I knew what that meant. He has talked about the place and how he was gonna commit suicide. He had it all planned. He has been through so much therapy all for this.
"The top of Molten Hotel?" I ask. He always said he was gonna go to the top floor and look down and regret nothing. 

"Yes." she looks down at the floor. She starts to sop. "So this means something for you Beatrix" she adds. I look at her with a confused look. I'm really hoping she is not going to say what I think she is. 

"Oh no, please I beg you." 

"We are putting you back in therapy." I look at her with a rage. She knew I would be mad but she did not care. 

"Why, why would you do this to me. You know I hated that place. How could you do this to me." I was so mad. I did not even realize I had been screaming at her. Both my mom and dad where shocked. I run up to my room. 

In a faint voice I hear "B come back." I ignore it. I don't even want to see them.  I open my door and slam it shut. I don't know why there going to put me through this again. What if this is worse than I thought it would be. What if they do what they did last time. That is all I could think. Those exact lines playing over and over in my head. I look at my night stand and forgot that I did not know where my journal was. So I have to keep looking for it, because if any of that gets out... I'm screwed. For sure. 

Looking under my bed and in my closet. I still could not find it. I ripped out every piece of clothing from my dresser drawers. Finally I open the last one and there it lays. The black journal with stickers from my favorite band Panic! At The Disco.  My book was covered with them. I hug it tightly. To anyone in the world that would of been a weird thing to do, but with me, if you have something that means so much to you, you don't want to loose it. Especially when it has so much information about your life. 

I open the first blank page and start writing.