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Journal 89

Okay, today was so stressful.  You don't even know. We shall go in order. 6am waking up to my parents fighting. Then going to school. Block 1, English. Got a paper ball thrown at the back of my head. "you fat ugly bitch." That hurt me because I have always been insecure about my weight. I am never good enough. I ran out of class then got in trouble for skipping. I got no punishments though cause they understood my reasoning. Block 2, Math. Someone threw gum in my hair. I hear everyone laughing in the back. My eyes where tearing but I tried not to show it. I asked to go to the bathroom. I went through my bag and grabbed my scissors and took them with me. I had to cut some of my hair out. Now you think, being a sophomore  you would at least be a little mature by now... but no. I have to get a hair cut tomorrow. Nothing happened during block 3 (science) thank the lord. It only got worse from there get ready. I was at lunch, and normally I bring my lunch because I cant stand to bring myself  to eat there after I found a wad of hair in my pizza. So I did not eat. You would be surprised that so many people came up to me saying something along the lines of "fatty's not eating today?" or "wow fuck, look at her maybe she is starving herself, she should though" and so many people would laugh. Then you have the people throwing notes at my face, Then giving each other high fives. And I had to make a huge decision.  I actually thought about starving myself. And there that began. I'm not going to eat now. I feel so uncomfortable with myself I can not do this anymore, i'm just DONE. 

I slam my book shut not writing another word. I feel water go down my face then realize I was crying. Then I re-read what I put and just throw my book like it was nothing. I sit in the corner of my room crying into my hands and I lost control of myself. I just let myself cry. 

I want to go to the store to get some more journals. "MOM... Can you come here really quick." I yell down to her rubbing my eyes. I hear foot steps come up the stairs. 

"Yes honey, what is it." She asks 

"I need to go to Walmart to get some stuff for a project I am doing at school." 

"Okay, I'll be ready in 5." She walks away. I feel bad for asking at a time like this.

10 minutes later 

"Okay honey come on" She calls up the stairs. I run down and get into the car. 

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I feel the need to point out that when I write these I just do it. I don't go back and read it again because I am super lazy and don't feel like it. So if there are mistakes, I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me.