13

52 3 5

by -babe-

Dedicated to Killakiss

by -babe-

-Emily-

As much as I didn't want it to be true Luke's right. I had to talk about it. I had to talk about that Sunday night at 7:46 pm when my dad walked in on me changing. I had to talk about how my dad raped me. It's been 3 years and I still had the idea in my head that it was my fault. The only people who know about it are Luke and my Mother but neither of them really know the full story. It's time for me to finally talk about it. It was 7:40, the time I get out of soccer practice, my mom picked me up and dropped me off at my dad's house. My dad wasn't there as usual. I decided to take a shower so I put my stuff down and went up to my room. I didn't lock the door since I knew no one was here. I slipped off my shoes, socks and shorts. My body ached and I was tired. It was 7:45 and I heard and unusual noise from down stairs and I knew it was my dad.

I heard him as he stepped heavily up the stairs screaming my name. "EMILY! WHERE ARE YOU EMILY I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!" He yelled and that's when I knew he was drunk. He had been sober for over 3 years. Today was the day he screwed up. He yanked open my door and he stood there frozen staring at my skinny shaking legs. He ran towards me and tried to nail me down to the bed. I tried breaking free but I wasn't successful. He started to pull up my shirt and I kept yelling at him to stop but nothing worked. I pulled up my hands and tried pushing him away. My body never felt so scared. It shook like a blender filled with ice. He slapped me hard and started kissing my neck. I cried out for help but no one came. No one heard me. No one stopped him. He tried taking my shirt off once more and sadly he was lucky enough to tear it off. I was now in my neon pink sports bra and black boy shorts. He brought his lips towards mine and I could smell the alcohol in his breath. He started to take off my underwear and his hands went everywhere. I can't describe to you how dead I felt. My phone surprisingly rung and my dad pushed off me looking shocked. It was now 7:53 pm and I laid there crying and trying not to choke on my tears.

He looked at my phone and it seemed that his senses came back to normal. But I was still there laying on the bed crying and feeling dead inside. It's like my whole world had been torn apart and sown back together upside down and backwards. My sudden trust in people melted away. My body was not the only thing that ached now my heart felt like someone torn it out and fed it to wild dogs. My dad then stumbled out my door. I heard him as he walked down the steps. I wrapped myself in my covers and stayed there for a couple of minutes. I couldn't stop crying. My tears fell down like hot buckets. I picked up my phone and dialed my mom's phone. Ring, ring , ring.

" Hey babe didn't you forget something in my car?" I could help but burst out in tears. "What's wrong baby?" Her voice was soothing but I still couldn't get what just happened out of my head.

I mutter, "Dad's drunk." She gasped and told me she was coming to get me. After I hung up with her I called Luke. I sat on the phone just crying to him. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.

Once my mom arrived I heard her and my sorry excuse for a father fighting. "You're a suck man!" I heard her say. She ran up stairs and yelled, "Emily grab your things now let's go! We're leaving." I put on some sweats and a large t-shirt. I was still shaking when she found me. She grabbed me by the hand and I flinched backwards. She led me down the stairs where my father was.

He came up to me and said," Emily, I'm so sorry. Honey this will never happen again I swear." Tears rushed down his face. The man I knew would have never let this happen in the first place.

"Don't you ever touch her," My mom yelled. "Step away from her!" He inched forward reaching his hand towards me but I jerked away. My mom and I rushed to the car as we left a crying man, which whom I would call dad, in a terrible home. It was 8:16 and we were finally getting away from the pain.

And yet 3 years later it still pains me to drive by that house. 3 years later and I'm still trying to recover from the big scar my father left in my heart and mind. 3 years later I still wasn't able to say it out loud. I wasn't able to say " I was raped by my father."