ethma | e.d+e.c (completed)

twenty-six (part II)

grab a tish cause if you didn't already, you'll most likely cry now, i know i did bawl my eyes out

Ethan's POV:

The silence is killing me, but soon enough it's interrupted by Emma.

"Why? What's wrong? What happened?" She says in one breath. "Everything was perfect... We were even ready to announce about us to everyone..."

I stay silent. I don't want to say anything, nor can I. Even though I know I have to.

I play with my bracelet, pulling on it and letting it snap back in place. I look out of her window only to see it's completely dark by now.

I hear her let out a shaky sigh, then sniffle after. "...did you meet someone else?" her voice cracks in every single word.

At this time my heart stops beating and my whole body gets cold. I start bouncing my leg up and down. Should I tell her?

I shouldn't. It would hurt her much more.

But at the same time, not knowing why I'm breaking up with her is enough to fuck her up.

I fucking hate myself.

"I don't know how to explain it."

"So you did meet someone else?"

I shake my head in disagreement. It's not like I love Olivia. Or even like her.

I haven't known her enough to be attracted to her personality. I just feel this weird connection with her.

As soon as I saw her, that was it.

It may be because of her looks. She's pretty damn beautiful. I mean her eyes have me hypnotized everytime I look at them and her smile, oh my god, I could go all day-

"Ethan?"

"Yeah?"

"I think you should go."

I sigh and stand up slowly, before looking at her. She looks so heartbroken. She looks so miserable and so fucking sad.

Her mascara is lightly running down her cheeks and her eyes are bloodshot red. Her once sky blue eyes are now just plain grey.

I did that to her.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm so sorry, Emma. Call me if you need any- I mean you don't have to, you know-"

"Just go, please," she says and I hear her move around in her bed.

I open the door and step out. Before I go I peek one last time in her room. She's turned away from me, covered in her sheets, ready to sleep.

I notice her body slightly jumping up, followed with a really quiet sob. I wish I could calm her down and explain everything to her.

"Goodnight, E," I say and close the door softly, my hand staying on the knob.

"I love you," I whisper to myself, completely aware I have no right to say that.

-

After leaving with the second key to her house, I realise I have come here without my car.

So that means I have to walk all the way to our house. Isn't that great?

It's not the walking that I hate about this. I overthink and sometimes a little too much. Being by myself is not gonna help me in anyway.

I pull out my phone and check the clock, making sure I don't trip while looking at it.

It's only just 11pm. But I know damn well Grayson is asleep and he'll throw a fit if I wake him up.

I groan and shove my phone in my jeans, putting my hands in my hoodie pocket after.

There aren't many people on the streets, either. The silence is too painful and I have no choice but rethink everything over and over.

I swear to god, I am the most stupid fucking human on this planet.

Emma was literally my happiness. Like nothing could make me as happy as she did.

I remember how much I craved her. And when I finally kissed her in that bathroom on that party, only thing I felt was love.

Nothing else.

And I still do. I love her. I just feel too guilty to be with her.

It feels as if I'm constantly cheating on her, knowing that sometimes my mind is only focused on Olivia.

God damn it.

I rub my hands up and down, in hopes to warm up a little.

I don't know what I'm gonna tell Grayson. He'll hate me as much as I hate myself. Even though her and Emma don't get along sometimes, he still cares a lot about her.

The worst thing is, I think he has a crush on Olivia.

When I ramble on and on about what's going on in my life, he always has something to say, to help me solve things out, or even cheer me up.

However, this time he stayed silent. The moment I mentioned Olivia, he went all mute.

I thought he liked James. Oh, well, at least I'm not the only one confused about this whole attraction thing or whatever you wanna call it.

As if my state couldn't get worse, my mind wanders off to my dad. I miss him. He was the light of my life.

He didn't deserve anything of that. He was the strongest, most powerful and passionate man I've ever known.

He was my idol, my role model, my best friend, my teacher, my dad, he was everything to me.

He'd probably hate me for what I did too.

I reach up to my face and wipe the tears rolling down.

Don't cry. He wouldn't want you to cry. He would want to see you, moving on, living your life, being happy.

I know that, but I can't help it. I can't help anything.

Life isn't fair. Cancer sucks. It's always the best people that get taken away.

All I want at that moment is Emma. She would hear me out, calm me down, hug me, kiss me, tell me it's gonna be okay. And I would believe her. And everything would work out, because I'd have her.

It's too late now. I caused her pain, I caused myself pain. I ruined everything.

I didn't realise I was already home. I walk around the kitchen and decide to grab some water.

I sniffle and go to the fridge, grabbing a bottle.

"Ethan?" Grayson asks, entering the kitchen. I look up at him, regretting it immediately. He shouldn't have seen me like that.

"No, bro," as soon as he looks at me he rushes over to me and hugs me.

I lean my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes, taking deep breaths. "Shush, Eth," he pats my back.

"Tell me, what's wrong?"