Trust isn't a given. It is earned, and deserved. Kaycee Rice and Sean Lew navigate what this means in their relationship, in life and dance.
A 5-part series.
True to his word, Sean had gotten really good at the waiting game. But eventually, day turned into night, and even he had to go home. He tried one last time before calling it quits for the day.
"Kayc, I get it. You're mad. You're giving me the silent treatment. We've done this game so many times already. But geez," He sighed, running his hand through his hair. It had gotten long enough to fall over his eyes. "This is the first time that I don't know what's happened. If I did something wrong, just tell me what it is and I'll apologize. But I can't fix it if you don't tell me what I've broken."
Kaycee held her breath, keeping her stubborn gaze trained on the show she was streaming on her phone. With a final resigned glance, he finally left.
Once the dooor shut behind him, Kaycee pushed her face into her pillow to stiffle her scream.
What am I supposed to say? How do I tell him without sounding like a pathetic brat?
To make matter worse, they had rehearsal with the Wiggle Crew the next day. Kaycee resolved to try and push past her insecurities, and leave yesterday's drama behind. She didn't want to talk about it, not with him nor with anyone. She was all about embracing one's self and feeling confident, so she should walk the talk, right?
Kaycee made an effort to make small talk with Sean, and pretended not to understand his confused, questioning looks at her sudden friendliness. She acted like his touches during their duet didn't burn her skin. She tried not to step away from him every time he came close.
But despite all that, their dynamics were off. The magic just wasn't there.
SeanAndAudrey. SeanAndAudrey. SeanAndAudrey.
She couldn't shake it off. Bile built up in her throat. There were no hugs or high fives, no exchanged looks as they danced. She could feel the cold frustration rolling off of Sean.
Why can't he just let this go? Why can't I?
While the others practiced their solos, Sean pulled her to a corner of the room to run through their duet some more. The quiet fury radiating from him was enough to make her follow without protest, even though she really didn't want to be alone with him.
But no matter how hard they both tried to power through, it just wasn't clicking. With every touch, every glance, every breath, she could still see it behind her eyes.
SeanAndAudrey. Will I lose him? SeanAndAudrey. I'm being selfish and holding him back. SeanAndAudrey. Why am I feeling this way?
"Kayc, work with me here." Sean exasperated, flayling his arms around.
"I don't know what you want from me. We got that right." Kaycee huffed back, crossing her arms across her chest.
"But that didn't feel right, and you know it. What's going on? It felt dead. This doesn't feel like," He gestures wildly between him and Kaycee, "us."
"Well, then, maybe you should go dance with Audrey!" She raised her voice at him, the words escaping her before she could help it.
Kaycee snapped her jaw shut, the words dawning on her. Sean froze on the spot, and she realized she said that loud enough for the whole studio to hear. From the corner of her eye, she could see their friends looking at them. At her. She ran out of the room, hyperventilating.
What did I just do? Why did I say that?
Great, Kaycee. So much for putting it behind you. I need to puke.
She cooped herself up in the locker room, and contemplated calling her mom for an emergency ride back home. Bailey and Delaney came in to check on her, but she asked for space. Thankfully, when she returned, it was Sean's turn to rehearse his solo. She received a questioning nudge from Bailey, but she shrugged it off, feigning nonchalance. That was enough to make them mind their own business. They know better than to meddle in the delicate balance of Sean and Kaycee's partnership.
But watching him dance only made the acid in Kaycee's stomach worse. His musicality was unlike any other, hitting notes they could only hear when he moved to them. He made the song better, made it come alive with his body. Watching him move, everyone in the room was reminded anew why he was a genuis, a prodigy.
This is some next level stuff. This makes our duet look like child's play for him.
That's when it hits her. The anxiety, the pain, the fear of losing him. It wasn't just about Audrey. Watching Sean dance alone, she could see him fully in his element, rising to his full potential, moving with unrestricted power.
He's on another level and I can't keep up. He's too good for me. He deserves more than me.
Kaycee's epiphany gives her a dizzying slap on the face. It hurt more than the thought of him dancing with someone else. If it was just about Sean dancing with Audrey, she knows he'd stop dancing with her if she asked him to. But Kaycee can't just magically rise to his level.
She almost missed the end of the song, only broken out of her reverie by the resounding applause from their friends. She accidentally caught Sean's eyes, and belatedly realized that she had been tearing up.
Kaycee was just as silent on the way home as she was yesterday. This time, Sean didn't bother to make conversation with her mom. They both just sat in the back seat, simmering in their own thoughts. Kaycee started assembling her mental note cards, knowing that Sean would corner her again. When they arrived home, Kaycee made a beeline for the garage, not wanting to be locked up with him again.
"Okay, are you ready to talk to me now? What the hell was that about Audrey?" Sean asked, dropping his bag to the floor. Kaycee had her back to him, but she could her him rolling up his sleeves. As if he was bracing himself for a fight.
"I watched the Bury A Friend video. But nevermind that, that was out of line." She said. "I didn't mean to bring her into it. It's not really about her. At least I don't think so."
He didnt say anything, but she could feel him waiting patiently for her to continue. She took a deep breath, and with her back still towards him, she let the dam burst through.
"Listen, Sean. You are making crazy progress in your career, and I am so proud of you. You are amazing, and everyone is always in awe of you. I couldn't be more honored to be your partner. But at the same time, I know we're not going at the same pace. Pretty soon, you're going to outgrow me." She swallowed hard, wincing at the words that just left her mouth. They hurt even more, hearing them verbalized.
Kaycee turned, finally looking Sean in the eyes. He looked thunderous, devastated. But she was determined to let it out.
"You need to work with people who are at your level now. People who can really push you and challenge you. Like Audrey. But me? You'll constantly have to keep bending to my level. You'll need to wait for me to catch up. Or worse, you'll have to carry us both on your shoulders. I can't have that, and neither can you. I'm a good dancer, but you? You're made for greatness, Sean. And better for me to say this now, than for you to realize this and resent me in the future."
For a long time, Sean didn't say anything. He just stood there, breathing in and out, as if trying to push down a monster inside him.
Then he turned on his heel, picked up his bag, and left without a word.
Kaycee was stunned, the sound of the door closing behind him echoed in her ears. She didn't know how he would take it, but she sure as hell didn't expect him to walk out like that.
Was that it? Was that the end of us?
~~~
Author's note: Who watched United LA's IG Live with Sean and Kaycee? Honestly, I was one of those hoping that people would leave them alone and not comment anything intrusive. But surprisingly, Tessandra was the one pushing and asking them the questions!
Most people are again talking about how soft Sean is for Kaycee. But personally, I feel like Kaycee was being SO LOUD in that live.
Exhibit A: When Tessandra asked her if they get tired of spending so much time together she laughed and immediately said NO. But then followed it with "But he (Sean) would probably say yes."
Exhibit B: When asked about her favorite thing about Sean, she said that she loves the fact that he still asks her to be a part of everything, and that he is still so supportive. To me, this really shows her appreciation for the fact that Sean still continues to choose her, and that they consciously choose to keep up the partnership.
Exhibit C: Sean's favorite thing about Kaycee is that he can say something anytime, anywhere, at any volume, and Kaycee will hear him. That he could say something quietly, and from across the room, she would react. Now, this is a LOUD revelation! Because this means Kaycee watches him, pays attention to him, even when he doesn't know it.
Also, I've been rewatching WOD, and noticed this gem. WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THIS MORE?! I have not seen this moment in any of the Seaycee edits, but it's so freaking soft!
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