Growing Up Depressed in the Regan Years

February 23-26 1984

23 February 1984

I don't exactly know where to start this, but everyone says writing stuff down helps. So I figured I'd just start writing everything down. Today Jerkface (step father) left again. He does this all the time. Who knows how long this one will last. Awhile I hope.

I started seeing doctor H again today she's a psychologist. I feel funny going back. She has so many questions. How this affects me and how I feel about that.

No one else is home. Mom is working, my sister Melinda is in Vermont with her friend Sandi. jerkface is wherever. Helen spent the night here last night because no one but me was here. She saw her first episode of "Battlestar Galactica." She called Mark, her boyfriend, (the pastor's son.) She talked to him for about a half hour. I didn't mind except that everything she said was at my expense. Funny how some people love to make jokes about others but get all mad when it's about themselves. Oh well. She is 14 she's in ninth grade at the junior high school.

Patty came over for a little while yesterday. She's 19 and graduated last year. She's probably the best friend I've got. Tonight she's having a crystal party. I don't even know what that is. I was invited but couldn't get a ride. Her situations are very similar to mine.

10:32 pm (same day)

I just watched TV and then did a TV guide crossword puzzle. Great fun, huh?

I'm just thinking about today's session with Dr. H. she asked how I deal with everything. I told her that I've been living in Fantasyland for the past month. I knew she was going to ask what I think about but I was a bit embarrassed to say that my life practically revolves around "Battlestar Galactica." Any problem I say, what would Apollo or Starbuck do? It seems to help.

My mother and jerkface just came home. I guess he decided to come back. Too bad. he really lives up to his nickname. They got back about 10 minutes ago and have fought ever since.

Last Friday night at church was the Teen Talent competition. I sang and came in around 5th. Helen and I sang together we came in first place and now we're going to Syracuse in April to state competition. I still can't believe we won.

We just had to get the cat in the house because he was in a fight with another cat. I could have killed this stupid dog this morning bark bark bark

I guess that's it for today.

Friday 24 February 1984 11:54 am

Patty just called. We talked a lot about last night's episode of Battlestar Galactica it was the first of a two-parter. I won't be able to see tonight's episode because I'll be at church. There's some kind of concert or something I'm supposed to sing in. With my cold I can barely speak let alone sing.

2:50 pm (same day)

I'm recording Air Supply on a tape. I hope I fit all the songs on one tape. I'm trying to decide between two songs to sing tonight. I can't find my guitar strap I hope I left it at church.

11:03 pm (same day)

I just got home from church. It was good. Mike told me that Michelle asked him to formal. Mike is a senior and goes to a different school. Michelle is 14. she's in ninth grade at my school. I can't believe she actually did that. He doesn't even know her. Of course he's not going to go with her. He says he's getting contact lenses soon. He looks good without glasses. We had five guitars, steel guitar, bass guitar, and lots of people singing. I have hay all over my leg warmers from sitting on a bale of hay. The top was covered with a blanket but not the sides. I was sitting behind the amps. The hay bale came about up to my thighs and my legs keep going to sleep. I'm so hungry.

Saturday 25 February 1984 2:01 pm

Patty and I have this dream of leaving where nobody knows us and starting a new life. We are both interested in flying maybe after college...

we've invented our characters for the story we are writing. It is, of course, based on BSG. Hers is princess Alicia Kenneth. mine is Denyse Bacchus. Denyse comes from Dionysus the god of wine and wild behavior. Bacchus is the same as Dionysus just in another language. Interesting choices for name right?

5:39 pm (same day)

I'm sitting in the bathroom waiting for this mint facial mask to dry. It is the worst looking stuff -- bright green, but anyway it works.

I found my guitar strap last night but not my adapter. Oh well it will turn up

Mom said she doesn't know how I can like Battlestar Galactica so much. She said if it was something good like Star trek she could understand it. Star trek was not successful at the time. It was only on for three seasons making 78 episodes I believe. Battlestar was on for two seasons starting in 1978. I was in 6th grade, 11 years old. it came on at 7 p.m. on Sunday. The same time as church, so I never got to watch it. But back to star trek. The show became really popular after it was canceled. It was never near as popular when it was originally on. Perhaps the same thing will happen with Battlestar. It's getting to be popular in this area now. People say they don't like it but mentioned a certain episode and they know what you're talkin about. "oh my little brother watches it." I don't see what the big deal is an admitting it's a good show. Patty, Helen (a different Helen, a friend of Patty's), and I are practically living it. I have not yet seen all the shows but I've read for of the books.

Sunday 26 February 1984 1:14 pm

Helen and Mark are really making me mad. our Sunday school teacher and youth leader was talking about heaven and he said to me, "who knows, maybe you'll have your own Galactica up there." okay it was funny. The first time. Then Helen goes on and on and on. She follows me everywhere and is constantly making jokes about me. I don't mind the first 100 times. Then I tell her that is enough and she keeps it up. I think I'll find someone else to sit with that church.

Note:
I will try to put each week in a separate chapter so it is easier to read. And I will try to keep updating. I am reading and copying from a 35 year old spiral notebook. The cover has long been gone, and the pages are starting to tear. In some places the ink is so faded it is hard to read. Plus, I am highly embarrassed at the crap I wrote. Drama queen anyone?

Helen became a nurse. She doesn't live far from me but I haven't seen her since high school. Michelle was in the Air Force, then became a teacher. She lives out west now. Patty actually is a writer. She and I live in the same city, but I have only seen her a handful of times since high school. I keep in touch with all 3 of them on Facebook.