Growing Up Depressed in the Regan Years

March 12-18 1984

Monday March 12th 1984 2:51 pm

Patty's going to be picking me up after she gets off work. we're going to her house to work on our story and then she's taking me to the mall where I'm getting my haircut. Finally!

Today I'm wearing jeans tucked inside my boots, a white turtleneck with a striped shirt over that. I've got my black jacket which looks like leather but it's fake. if it's bright outside I can put on my mirrored sunglasses. It isn't very cold outside now but I'm bringing my coat anyway because it probably will get cold later.

I hope she cuts my hair like she did last time. Short on the top and sides and longer in the back. I can spike it easily by putting gel in my hair. I'm one of the few girls in my school who has punk hair, but I love it. everybody comes up to me and says, "I love your hair! I want to get my hair like that but my mom won't let me." Or "I'm afraid to get it punk." Or one of several hundred excuses I've heard. It usually sticks straight up and the sides are gelled so they slick back. My sister hates it. We have completely different tastes. She likes preppy and I like punk. About my hair she says "you work for that?" Yes!

I have to come up with $35 by the end of the month for the youth convention in Syracuse. If it wasn't for teen talent I don't know if I would even go or not. It's a lot of money. We'll still need all our food money on top of the $35. So it'll be 65 to $70 total. that's a lot.

I thought I heard a car but it wasn't Patty. I think it was down the road someplace. She said she'd be off at about 2:45 and its 3:09 now so she should be here any minute. I hope so. It's getting boring here. Mom already left to take Melinda to the doctor, so I'm just sitting here with the cat and dog who are both sleeping. The cat's on the couch and the dog's on the floor. They were both on the couch a few minutes ago.

well I'm just rambling on and not making too much sense so I'm going to stop now

Tuesday March 13th 1984 7:58 a.m.

I'm in homeroom. I had fun yesterday. Patty and I went to the mall around 4. We walked around and she bought three new Battlestar books. There's still three she doesn't have. She changed a few things in my story. Either they weren't sync, or didn't make sense, or just sounded better her way. We won't be using the other character. we're going to invent a new character and probably kill her off. We don't have a name yet.

6:22 p.m. same day

this was kind of a boring day. It's snowing really hard today. It took us 35 minutes to drive from the counselor's back to school. I missed all of chemistry today. I don't mind.

The appointment at the counselor's was weird today. I'll describe it later

9:26 p.m. same day

I'm watching The A-Team. Dirk Benedict has on dark blue jeans, a white and tan plaid shirt, a tan Brown vest, and brown cowboy hat.

okay the counselors today- We were talking about depression and everything I've been going through. Actually I felt like writing it all down before but now I don't.

Wednesday March 14th 1984 10:26 p.m.

We got about 10 inches of snow last night so school was canceled today. I just sat around and did nothing. Mom got mad when she got home from work that nobody did the dishes. She never told anybody to do the dishes. She was just walking around the kitchen and living room complaining and complaining and complaining. I went in my room and listened to music so I wouldn't have to hear it.

Helen called again and really wanted to talk about Mark. I just didn't say anything. I don't care about her and Mark.

I don't care about anything. This is what we were talking about at the counselor's yesterday.  She told me when somebody gets depressed, the things that were once pleasurable, aren't anymore. They stop doing things they used to like to do and stop being around people they used to like to be around. Physically, they don't do much but use up a ton of mental energy, which is more tiring than physical energy. They sit and wonder why they can't do those same things anymore and feel the same pleasure and may actually feel guilty for neglecting these things. because of all these feelings, they use up much more energy than if they had actually done anything. They're emotionally drained but can't sleep because their subconscious keeps telling them they're wasting time and need to do something. They want to do something but don't. It's a vicious cycle.