Growing Up Depressed in the Regan Years

April 9-15, 1984

Monday April 9th 1984 9 p.m.

A lot happened yesterday. Right when I stopped writing, Patty, Helen, Michelle, and Bonnie and Bill's kids came barging in. They said that they just had devotions and I'd missed it. Nobody told me about devotions. I was sitting in a big arm chair rocker with my legs hanging over the side, leaning up against the side and back, rocking, eating a candy cane and writing in here. I didn't feel like talking to anybody, and Patty could tell. As soon as she walked in the room, she knew something was wrong. Well, everybody but Patty took off to do something else, and Patty said to me, "do you want me to go too?" I didn't want her to go and I said "no don't go." She sat down in another chair, and it was awhile before anybody said anything. one of Bonnie's kids kept bugging us so we shut the door, but all we did was talk. We were both eating candy, and both got kind of sugar high. we were laughing and giggling a bit. We just talked about Battlestar, the play, youth group, families and everything. then Bonnie walked in. She had this look on her face like we were doing something wrong. like we'd been smoking or drinking or something, instead of just talking. She sat down and asked what was going on. She didn't say she was mad. just curious. She and Patty got talking about Patty's work and I guess when Bonnie realized we weren't doing anything, she left.

Bonnie doesn't trust us at all. Especially after what we did later last night. But I'll get to that in a minute.

While we were still in there, (Patty and myself), we were talking about friends. I told her how I have friends but I was really glad that she was my friend, because she's the only one I can confide in. She said she only had two friends - Bruce and me. I didn't know that. It made me feel kind of nice that she wasn't always just humoring me. We have so much in common. I'm so glad I met her.

I've wanted a best friend or any kind of friendship for that matter for ages. I moved away from my best friend in Florida. her name was Dawn. I still remember a lot about even her phone number. Dawn, if you're out there, hi and thanks for all you did for me.

My next best friend was Diana. I don't want to talk about her now. Maybe some other time.

Patty and I have had identical experiences at school. She said that she sat in class one day and cried, and not one person talked to her. That's exactly what happened to me last week, except it happened during lunch. not only does patty listen to me, but she understands me. she's been through it all before and it's still going through it. I'm really lucky to have her for a friend.

The play itself was okay. Not great, just okay

After the play was over, Patty and I skipped out of church. We couldn't leave the building because we had things in the sanctuary, so we went back in the team room.

After the service was over, Michelle came and told us that they called all the teens up to the front, and it was very obvious that we weren't there. Bill was mad too but didn't say very much. Just thought it looked really terrible and all. I don't care.

Patty and I didn't stick around. We just grabbed our stuff and left. We went to her house and stayed there until 10:30. Then she drove me home.

she was talking about how she and Bruce are talking about marriage. I said that I didn't want her to get married. She asked why. I told her that people always change when they get married and I didn't want her to change. She said "yeah," like she knew what I was talking about then she said, "but I won't change." She will though. People always do when they get married

There's some things that I just don't tell people about. Patty knows. I told her a lot last night. Things that took me a year to even tell my counselor when I was seeing her before. And patty wasn't shocked. She didn't say, "sorry I don't want to be friends with you anymore." That's usually what people say