Slow Burn

Always need a Hyuuga

When Hinata woke up, her head pounded like a bitch, and her heart throbbed with guilt a sorrow.

Maybe Kakashi was right— as much as she wanted to blame the asshole— she was a fucking monster and she deserved death, maybe she didn't even deserve to apply to ANBU.

Maybe her only escape was suicide.

Sure, it was a cowards way out, but she'll be damned if she lived with the guilt of murdering two innocents. And call her suicidal if you must, but she even placed a katana in her closet if she ever wanted to just end it, to take her last breath, to never open her eyes again.

She had contemplated it multiple times, even before the mission switch up. Hinata was a failure, absolutely pathetic, her own family— her flesh and blood— didn't even want her. She saw the looks of subtle disappointment from her father, the smug glances from Hanabi, or the sorrowful gazes from Neji.

Honestly, Hinata never gave a shit about what her clan thought about her, she tried her fucking hardest to be the perfect Heiress they wanted, but she always fell short, always behind Neji and Hanabi. Maybe she didn't even need to keep living.

How long would she be dead before someone found her? Before someone realized she was missing? Would they hold a funeral for her, or was commuting seppuku too shameful for the Hyuuga to even get her a lot in the cemetery? Who would show up? Would there be tears in their eyes, or would it be silent judgment and disgust for her decision?

Hinata often found herself pondering these thoughts, questioning things for when she died. Honestly, Hinata wouldn't be too surprised if the Hyuuga merely wrapped her body in a trash bag and dumped her near the border of the Land of Fire after ripping her opaque eyes out of her cold corpse.

Knock

Knock

Knock

An irritated sigh left Hinata's lips as she felt his chakra at her door, he made his point last night. What else would he want? To rub her failure in some more? He sure would get a hoot out of that.

Her naturally quiet voice strained as she shouted, "Doors open!"

Her rickety old door freaked as it opened and shut, his footsteps were nearly silent— to let her know he was there, Hinata supposed— he made his way to her room and saw her staring at the open closet. Her katana resting against the back wall motionlessly, almost taunting her.

"Hinata..." He slowly shut her bedroom door and sat next to her on the bed, "I'm sorry... for what I said last night, I had no right to say that to you." He ran a hand through his hair, "You've got a lot on your plate and I definitely didn't help, and now I can see just how screwed up things are for you. So I'm sorry. Can you find it anywhere in yourself to forgive me?"

Hinata remained motionless, "Kakashi. If you shatter a plate and then tell it sorry, does the plate go back to the way it was?" She didn't wait for an answer, "You were right, you thought— still think— that I'm a monster and you're completely fucking correct. Your apology means nothing if you still think I'm a monster, and I won't even try to persuade you to think I'm not." She stood up and walked towards the closet, "Maybe you should go, if you tell them now then I'll be dead when you come back."

In a flash, Kakashi has her wrist in a tight grip, "Hinata, I'm not leaving you to kill yourself." E spun her around and tightly hugged her, "I know mere words won't sway your opinion of me, but please let me make it up to you."

The green vest muffled her sigh, "Fine. What do you want." She pulled her head from his chest and gazed up into his single grey eye.

Nothing was said for a moment, only staring, both sizing the other up, trying to analyze each other. When Kakashi finally spoke, Hinata's arms were let go, "Cinnamon buns?" For such a long fucking pause, it was such an anticlimactic question.

The thought of the sticky and sweet glaze over a steaming cinnamon bun was enough for Hinata no nod and both of them to walk out the door in complete silence, they descended down the few flights of stairs and made their way into the streets.

• • •

Later that night, Hinata walked down a dark, cold corridor, a bulky Manila envelope in her hand. She nodded to the guards on duty and walked into the main office. No one was in there, she noticed, so she looked at the mahogany desk and back to the envelop in her hand, gripping it tightly.

Was she totally sure about this? Would this be the right choice? It totally went against everything Kakashi told her not to do, but when did she have to listen to him? He wasn't her team's Sensei nor was he her parent or an authoritative figure to her. He was just Kakashi Hatake.

Hinata nodded so herself and dropped the envelope on the desk.

The ANBU could always use a Hyuuga, right?