What People Don't Understand

Part 1

People don't understand is that some people hate themselves, like hate themselves so much that they wonder why they haven't killed themselves yet. These people don't necessarily have to be reserved or sad all the time, I try to be happy.

My biggest insecurity is that people actually hate me and just won't tell me, I try so hard to make people laugh and when I don't or if I'm being mocked by my friends for something like forgetting to do my homework because I was convincing myself not to cut, or talking about my science table because they make me feel like I'm actually wanted and if I did die at least someone would miss me, it makes me feel like the only reason they keep me around is because they pity me since they know about my depression. 

People don't understand that the "happiest" people can want to kill themselves because they feel so useless, I spent the other night convincing my friend of her self worth before I held a lighter to my side to punish myself for being so worthless.

Thank you for reading.... Don't pity me, please