Your only CHOICE

To Help You

This isn't a new thing. I've been having these hallucinations again since I've started on the mission. It hasn't happened in years, so I just thought it was gone, over with; I guess not. It is mostly auditory, which is so frustrating because I can't escape it, but the visual ones are annoying too. Seeing my mother just out of the corner of my eye just to turn and have her not be there, my heart stops whenever I see the coldness in her face, I'm always so terrified shitless until I realize she's not actually here, or until she disappears. No, I haven't told anyone this is happening again, although can assume that they figured out something is up by now.

"Saeran? You've been starring at the wall for a straight ten minutes now. you good?" I seem to knock out of whatever trance I was in, quickly looking up at Mc in a way to perhaps shrug off the fact I was completely out of it, maybe she'll think I'm perfectly fine.

"Yeah, Mc, I'm alright. Don't worry" I give a soft smile her way before looking down at my hands, a slight tremble to my fingertips. I shove my hands in my pockets before looking back up to her and standing up. Her hair was soaked from just having taken a shower; I was waiting for her in the locker room of the training hall for her to finish cleaning up after our morning training session.

"Don't worry? You know this isn't the first time I've caught you with a million mile stare. So maybe drop the 'don't worry' bullshit please?" She asked me with a soft chuckle in her voice, but the slight upturn in her tone made it obvious she was worried.

"Fine! I sorta vowed to myself to never hide anything from you anymore anyways...." I glance to her to see she was looking right at me, the shock of our eyes instantly meeting making me instinctively pull my gaze down to the floor as quietly as possible. "When I was younger, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Although, in the recent years I thought they perhaps got the diagnosis wrong because I hadn't shown symptoms in ages. But- recently-"

"Recently you've been showing symptoms again?" She asked. I only nodded in a response, thinking it was ridiculous for me to even doubt what the doctors had told me. And there I was again, hoping Mc can help me solve all my problems. "Symptoms like wha-"

"Like I said Mc. You don't have to worry about it." I didn't want to force another one of my problems upon her. Anyway, she's already working on the mission, all her attention needs to be on that time sensitive assignment.

"Well-.... ok. Maybe you can talk to V about it?" She was right to choose to say V instead of Rika. I think at this point we both have a mutual distrust for her, so V is at the top of both of our lists instead.

"No." I don't want to. To much of a hassle at this point, and it'll draw us, me, away from my main goal.

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I knock on the dark wood double doors that leads into Vs office; this doors aren't nearly as grand as Rikas, but still extremely decorative when compared to the steel or painted plywood doors in the rest of this place. A soft muffled of a ' come in' comes from the other side of the thick doors, and I open them to walk in. This probably wasn't right, going behind Saerans back like this, but it also wouldn't be right to just leave him with his own problems he's having alone.

"Oh! Mc! That's a surprise. Please, come in and sit down, I'll be over to you in a second," V was standing at a table over at the far side of the room, using a paper trimmer to hand cut his photos to perfectly fit the frames he had sprawled out across the table, open and ready to have a picture put in. All the walls in his office was covered in framed photographs, a beautiful collage of beautiful photos. I sit down just as he seemed to perfectly drop the one he was cutting into its new home,

"So, why did you come to see me? You don't ever come to see me like this, something must be wrong I assume." I don't even know what words I'd use to describe him, he's like an all knowing god, yet he's a gullible pushover and still obviously a human that can make mistakes. Maybe perhaps he's like an older brother who just knows everything for some reason? Sure

"Yeah- um. I don't really know how to start this actually. It's more about Saeran." I started, my heart starting to beat hard against my chest at the thought of telling V what Saeran confided in me. "He said he's experiencing his schizophrenic symptoms again."

"I thought so-" V sounded concerned. He lifted the frame up to show a beautiful photo of a flower perfectly composed within, before he put the frame back down to just lean against the table with his hands sprawled out against the surface, his face looking down. "Did he say anything else? What the episodes might be of, perhaps-"

"No- sorry. He stoped talking about it almost as soon as he started. He didn't want me involved in it, it seemed. Kept saying I shouldn't worry."

"It's alright-...... I'll keep you updated on him if he won't, Mc. But for now, he's right, don't worry about this, focus on your task at hand. I can deal with Saeran while you can keep working on yours and saerans mission." He lifted himself up, and walked to the desk, sitting down across from me as he fixed his shades. "I won't tell rika unless necessary. And I'll make sure Saeran can still work on the mission with you. But this is a time sensitive project, and if it doesn't get finished in time-"

"I understand" I interject, my voice confident in my words. I do understand, I understand I need to keep working to get this done, I need to work to make sure we succeed- but I also want to see Saeran ok. This is the whole reason we're doing this mission for, for him, so he needs to be ok for this..