Your only CHOICE

What I've Done

((Saeran's pov)

"Soo, you kidnaped me, and that's why I'm here?"

"To put it shortly-... yes.." I wasn't proud of that fact, but it was definitely a true fact. "I- um.. needed help with my current mission, and I was planning for you to be a double agent in the plan, without you knowing you were being a double agent of course, but-" I started, pressing my face into my palms as i sat in my desk chair, facing my bed where Mc was sitting.

"Buttttt- something went wrong-" she asked softly, and i nodded in response.

"You discovered I was tricking you.. I panicked and knocked you out, bringing you here to try to figure out what to do with you." It was hard explaining this, reliving this. But I have to tell her, it's unfair for me to keep this from her just because i'm uncomfortable with it, i'm the one who took it from her. "So yeah, that's why you work here. I can give you your files if you want? I saved them on my laptop to make sure we had a backup; which i guess was a good plan since rika deleted your original file and replaced it with a fake." She quickly stood up, a glimmer of hope in her eyes,

"May I see it please??" I turn around and quickly log into my laptop, searching through the many files, "did i have a family?? What was my job?? Did i have any hobbies??!" She sounded so exciting to find out, but i also heard a sadness in her voice, probably not wanting to find out what she left behind.

I pulled the file up and turned the laptop to face her. I look away, not wanting to see her expression as she reads it; she's right, I am a whimp, I took this life from her and now i'm scared to face her reaction.

The silence was cutting me like a sharp knife, but I think hearing her start to sniffle definitely hurt more,

"I'm sorry.."

"It's fine... you-.. you couldn't leave anything behind or else rika would-... Yeah-... i'm just disappointed that it was me I guess." I turned to face her as she was wiping her eyes, "can I see your mission file, please?? Perhaps-.. perhaps i can still help you, and- Nevermind." I nod and take the computer back, pulling up all my notes on the mission to destroy my brother.

"I can print these two files out for you, you can have them" i suggested, it's a good idea for her to have her own file anyway; I have mine hidden under my mattress. "I'll print these out and organize the files for you. I'll give them to you tomorrow at training."

"Alright. See you tomorrow then" she said as she stood up, putting her hand on my shoulder as if to tell me it's alright, then leaving my room. I wait a few minutes just sitting there in my own silence, waiting for her to leave the general vicinity. My chest was on fire, I had to let it out, I HAD to or else I felt like I would explode. I closed my computer as i quickly stood up, pulling my gun from the holster and shot at the wall,

Once

Twice

Three times

Now i'm not even keeping count, feeling hot tears streaming down my face as I quickly used out this whole round, shaking as i reaches for my belt to reload, not lifting my eyes from the dusty drywall I left completely lacerated with holes. I was struggling with getting the new round from my belt, tugging and pulling at the button. I couldn't continue though, i felt a cool hand on my wrist and pulling it away from my body, others holding onto my shoulders tightly to hold be back, the gun being torn from my hand.

"LET ME GO!" I thrashed around as I cried out, feeling the flames in my chest finally being let out,

"Saeran, you have to calm down!" Vs voice called out, seemingly all around me. More fire was lit, imagining him conspiring with rika to trick me. I make my knees fall so I go limp, so i'm hard to hold onto.

"LET. ME. FUCKING. GO!" I yelled as turned around quickly, but unable to see the people restraining me, the tears blurring my vision. "Pleasepleasepleaseplease i made this happen to her i-i can't-" I can't fight them all, i just let them hold my arms down.

~~~~~~
They brought me to Rikas office, even through i said i'd just be fine to go to the shooting range for a while. I hate facing rika after something like that- it's so patronizing..

"Are you alright, saeran?" Rika asked, sitting at her desk, looking at me as if i was a science experiment she needs to examine.

"Yes"

"I think you meant to say no." She said as she wrote down some notes. Patronizing. I just sink in my seat. "What caused the outburst this time.." she seemed annoyed. Last time I lashed out like this, she told me that i need to grow up and control myself more. Patronizing.

"Um... i'm just mad at myself... for what I've done to Mc and such" I couldn't find myself to look her in the eyes, i can feel the cold stare. I sink farther in my seat, "can I go now? I just told you, that's what you want to know, right??"

"Yes, that is what i want to know, but **is is spi***** o** of ************** **************..." her voice was fazing out as i was just tuning her out; this is the part where she yells at me for not being able to control myself.

"Go, hide. Hide saeran!" I quickly turn around to try to face where the familiar voice was coming from, the ghostly voice of my brother.

"Saeran, what are you looking at?" Rika snapped,

"Y-you didn't-... Nevermind" i turn back around, and continue to ignore her, but I can still hear the ghostly voices of my brother; my hands shaking.