If I could remake myself as I wanted to, how would I? And if I did would I still be me or rather would I be as I wished I was. Once I am remade would I remember what it was like to be natural or would life restart from the finish line. Would I wish to change myself again?
In a sense you could never be happy with who you are and what you have because all you would want is all you could never be nor have. Nothing we do matters and will never change the outcome that is set in stone from the day we are born. But there is a freedom in pointlessness and liberty nihilism, seeing as nothing we do matters so all that matters is what we do. I wish I could fall in love and touch the stars and leave a true mark on this sentient rock floating in nothingness. Yet I cannot so instead I will choose to be content with all I can have and feel and think, as to be able to have and feel and think in itself is a gift and should be appreciated.
Nothing in life will make me happy so at the very least I should be happy about life, right?
As I write this my eyes sting and my throat yearns to be set alight but I will resist even though catching fire right now would make me temporarily happy. Wasn't I the one who said temporary happiness is still better than permanent sadness? But is it really? When you think about it, temporary happiness just makes you expect more though you experience less. It is increasing the height of your inevitable fall and it laughs at the broken bones and cracked souls you collect on the way down. Yet down is the only way to go so even if just for a second you'd like to go up, just to look at the stars and pretend you are one of them. To talk to them and hope they listen even when in reality you know that they are further away than you could imagine and are probably already dead and cold.
But there is no reality so why bother obsessing over what is really happening.
