Can you miss someone you've never met? Because if you could then I would certainly be missing her. Or him. Or them, I guess. Who knows, right? I don't know what they would be like, but that's kind of the fun part. Would they be pretty? Handsome? Would the sex be good or would I be perfectly content with just holding their hand and stroking their hair. Maybe they don't exist. And I think to me, that's the scariest and yet, most freeing possibility. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about the heartbreak that's obviously inevitable and inevitably obvious. They couldn't leave me and I couldn't leave them and end up going our separate ways even though we were meant to be.
That's a scary thought. "Meant to be". What does that even mean. You always think you were "meant to be" until you break up and realise you were dumb for ever entertaining the thought. Does that mean you were meant to be with everyone you believed it with? Or rather only with the one you stayed with, regardless of how unhappy you may be or how hard it is to carry on each day.
It's so painful to be in love and so painful to be out of it. It's an endless cycle that starts and ends with the worst feeling imaginable but yet we keep coming back for more because love in itself is the best feeling imaginable. We're just suckers for chemical reactions in our heads that are actually just there to convince us to make babies. Pathetic, isn't it?
So watch me fall in love again I guess.
I'm in love with the thought of her, of them, probably not of him but again - who knows. I long for the day I wake up next to them and they're still asleep and I should be too but for once in my life being awake is better than my dreams and it's all because of the sunlight on their lashes. Or the way their lips part just a little when they breathe in. Their t shirt rumpled up to their waist, exposing the skin of their side and the legs that I would worship to the day I die. Their small sighs when they're happy or when I do something dumb. Phone calls that last 30 seconds just so they can tell me they love me and that they had pasta for lunch. Phone calls that last for hours for when we feel too close to be so far apart.
I don't know if I'm allowed to say I miss them even though I may not know them. Even though I may never. But I don't think that'll stop me.
