Elise and I

March 14th

A review, basically
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Shared time/ passive forcing
Something we did tonight. I was reading, and she was singing. We can communicate our thoughts wordlessly, our memories and points of view. I'm perfectly aware of what song we're listening to, but my main focus is on the words. I can pitch in easily, discuss what song to play next, but mostly I just read. Elise is perfectly aware of what we're reading, but her main focus is on the song. Despite that, she is still aware of what's going on in the story, if there's a funny part she'll be laughing too, but mostly she continues to sing.

Different skills and borrowing
We're cut from the same cloth, as one of the guides so aptly put it, technically anything Elise can do I can do too, and anything I can do Elise can do too. For example, Elise can bend the tempo of songs, alter the singers voice, sing in the singer's voice etcetera. I can do that too, technically, I'd just have to look over whatever she does and borrow her technique (which sounds easier than it actually is). I can write poems, so she can too. But it's not her forte. I can speak in her voice, write in her (very much neater) handwriting, but it takes effort and concentration. It's like trying to change your style, except you have something to reference, guiding you on almost exactly how to do it.

Trust (basically an excuse to play our phone)
Helix jump. We know that game’s pretty dead, but it helps us practice indirect communication. Since we see things from the same point of view, most of the time we come to the same conclusion and make the same movements. However, there are times when one of us spots something the other doesn't. When playing a game that requires fast reactions we have to coordinate our actions perfectly. We have to learn to communicate our intentions within the time span of maybe a quarter second. We also have to learn to trust the other's judgement, even if it doesn't make sense to us at the time.

Fear of parroting
Ah parroting, the worry that you are speaking for your tulpa. Quite the hindrance. It would be nice if our thoughts were labeled. Unfortunately, that isn't possible. Sometimes we have shared thoughts, when we subconsciously discuss something and don't even notice. Sometimes our thoughts are the same, so we don't even notice the other's reaction. Sometimes we pull / supply  ideas from / to the other without noticing. And sometimes I'm just plain paranoid. Um well. We're working on it.

Dreams
Very interesting topic, and a touch worrisome. Elise hasn't had the best experiences with dreams. Her first night she tried to take control of my dream and ended up trapping us both in a black expanse until we were woken by our alarm. Everytime she tries to manipulate our dreams she ends up trapped in there, there typically being a blank nothingness, somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness until we wake up. Also she ends up tired for the next morning. She isn't conscious enough to get out of or manipulate the dream, but she is conscious enough that it's tiring instead of rejuvenating. At least that's what we believe, it's pretty hard to tell because she doesn't have much recollection of it when she wakes up. We have tried things like waking up in the middle of the night so we aren't trapped for too long, me relearning lucid dreaming so I can assist her, etcetera. They don't seem to work. What we have found though is that when I have normal dreams I'm not alone in them. She tends to fade in and out as a character, but at no point am I actually alone. We're pretty happy with that, more time to spend together.

Aura
Another interesting topic, but thankfully not worrisome. The first time I saw my aura was when I managed to lull myself into a half conscious state. What I saw really surprised me. I had expected a dark blue, bordering on black, or a colour that I liked like green or turquoise or something. Instead, it was golden. Elise stated that ‘I was not all bad’, which was another surprise as I didn't think she was that far along at the time. After consulting a fellow tulpamancer, I also learnt that golden can be the aura of a teacher, it doesn't just signify goodwill. I thought this was pretty interesting. I never really believed in the concept of aura, but now I'm not quite sure. I do wonder if I subconsciously chose this, if what I am isn't my true nature, if I knew about gold being the aura if a teacher but never realised I knew it. Or if aura really does exist. Truly an interesting subject.

Studies
These are rare. Like, very rare. But this particular one is very good. Long, but good.
http://pubs.sciepub.com/rpbs/5/2/1/index.html

Memorisation
First, let me make something clear: tulpae are not tools. They are not there to access your memory. They are not there to help you solve a math problem. They're not your personal slaves OK. Maybe they'll want to help you during that science test. Maybe they won't. Speaking from a more objective point of view, a tulpa that can't even decide for itself whether it wants to do something or not likely isn't a tulpa at all. Anyway, with that out of the way. Elise is very good at recalling memories, songs to be specific. We have pretty different but also really similar methods of recall. One of the reasons I enjoy solitude is that I can retreat into my mind without being interrupted. Because of that, I developed a couple of skills. If I can find the right connection I can access pretty much any memory. (That being said it is often hella hard to find the connection. Often the right connection is nothing like the connection I expect. Also sometimes there's simply no connection to a memory, such as a mundane day at school. Ask me to recall that and I'll just be lost) For example, I can access a memory from when I was two because I saw it in a dream when I was seven, and then at random points in my life, I considered that dream again. It's like working backwards, jumping from one point in time to another. For Elise, the first thing that comes to her when she manages to make that connection is typically a song, beat, alterations, singer's voice and all. She doesn't jump from one point to another, she just gathers up all the bits and pieces in one motion. So for me, I jump from one memory to another until I reach a specific memory, then take what I need from that specific memory. She gathers related memories and subconsciously collates them into information. Pretty interesting right?