HEART HELD HOSTAGE

four ~ dear diary (unedited)

May

I enter my room and slowly close the door behind me. I then change into my soft, cotton pajamas and take off my blonde wig so my head can finally breathe. As I wash off my makeup, I catch a glimpse of the freckles dotting my nose. I forget about them all the time.

I lie in my comfy bed, reflecting on everything that happened tonight. Part of me is still in shock, but mostly, I feel a sense of excitement. After four years of convincing Sean that he can trust me, he has finally granted me some freedom—but it's limited. I can leave the house and do nearly anything I want between 6 a.m. and midnight. Aside from the curfew, the only rules are that I can't contact anyone from my old life and I must wear my disguise. It doesn't really bother me, though. I'm just grateful to be able to leave this house. Breathing the same air for four years has been exhausting.

I hop off my bed and lift my mattress just enough to reach the ripped-up notebook hidden underneath. I settle back onto the bed and look at it. It reads "May's Journal."

When I arrived here, I found this empty journal hidden in the closet and decided to use it as a diary. My parents always said it wasn't good to keep feelings buried inside. They only grow and become harder to carry. Since I have no one to talk to, I write my feelings down instead. They were right, it does help.

I open to a blank page and begin writing with a pen I managed to take from Sean's home office.

March 15th, 2019
Friday.
12:36am

Dear Diary,

Today was different. It was amazing yet nerve-wracking—I couldn't tell you which feeling is stronger.

Although everyone at the ball looked intimidating, I met River Anderson. He was able to make me laugh. A real, genuine laugh that made me lose my breath. I swear I could feel the butterflies flutter in my stomach for the first time in ages. I thought all of them had died.

He has this kindness about him. He always seems to smile, even around Sean, and he always finds something to say. I wish I could be as content with life as he seems to be.

Oh, and while he's undoubtedly the most attractive man I've ever met, what really touched me was how he smiled not just with his mouth, but with his eyes. They actually shimmered. I'm not used to that. When Sean smiles, his eyes never match his mouth. His eyes are always so dark.

I don't want to give the wrong impression, though. I love Sean. I know I do. River is just different than him, and that's what interests me. But it will pass... I hope.

With Love,

May.

Once I finish writing, I close my diary, but it just has to fall open to my first entry. Just looking at it makes me shiver and feel on the verge of breaking down again. It seems like so long ago, yet also so close. I decide to read it.

February 18th, 2015
Thursday.
Time is unknown. Sometime during the day.

Yesterday, I woke up in this dark room with only one boarded-up window... I don't know where I am or how I got here. The last thing I remember was walking toward the gas station.

A man has come in here once. It was yesterday when he told me I arrived that night. The room was so dark that I couldn't see much of him, except for his brown eyes that looked so evil I couldn't even look at them. I tried asking why I was here, but all he would say is that I'm safe and that this is my home now.