Sakit

Chapter 1

"Althea, Let's stop this. Please let me go, pagod na ako, hindi na kita mahal"sabi ni Matt na parang wala lang sakanya ang 7 years na pinagsamahan namin, na parang binalewala lang niya ang lahat ng ginawa ko para mapasaya lang siya. Halos wala na nga akong naiwang pagmamahal sa sarili ko para lang sakanya. Kahit pamilya ko , kaibigan ko tinalikuran ko para sa kanya, at ito lang ang isusukli niya sakin?

"Hindi ito totoo diba Matt?nagbibiro ka lang diba?!?Sabihin mo na nagbibiro ka lang Matt!!"Pero hindi siya umimik. yumuko siya at tumingin sa baba hangang hindi ko na kinaya at nag isa isahang pumatak ang luha ko

"Ano ba ang kulang ko Matt?? Binigay ko na ang lahat sayo ah! halos wala na akong tinira sa aking sarili para lang mapasaya ka! Halos tinalikuran ko na ang mga magulang ko at mga kaibigan ko para lang sayo! Ang Tanga ko!! Ang tanga tanga ko!!! sana nakinig nalang ako sakanila, hindi sana nawala sakin ang mga taong mahahalaga sakin! Sana hindi nalang kita minahal!sana sinunod ko ang sabi nila na layuan ka dahil masasaktan lang ako!pero Arghh!!nahulog ako! bw*sit na puso na to! "I shouted at him while nonstop crying

"I'm sorry." those little words shattered me completely. how can he do this to me? how can he afford to hurt me? how can he hurt me this much?

"Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nasasaktan sa mga sinasabi mo matt. ang sakit sakit! pati na dito oh,ang sakit dito" sabay turo sa aking dibdib halos gusto ko nang mamatay. it's like life was drained out of my body, like my soul was crashed to pieces.

"Althea, kailangan ako ni Monica, and i need her.Pakawalan mo na ako althea mas ikabubuti natin to if we end this relationship between us"

"Monic-ca?"halos para akong pinatay ng paulitulit. halos gusto ko siyang murahin ng paulitulit gamit ang lahat ng masasakit na salita! pero hindi ko kaya dahil mahal ko siya! mahal na mahal na halos siya ang mundo ko, ang dahilan kung bakit ako masaya kung bakit ako nabubuhay!

"Mat-t bakit mo to ginagawa?? ha?? Ano ba ang meron ni Monica na wala ako Mat-t? ba-ka Baka maaayos natin to? we could work this out r-right? hindi mo ako iiwan diba? diba matt hindi mo ako iiwan??" how i wanted him to say that we could still work this out or even say this all a joke but the odds were against me

"Please Matt don't do this to me. Please."I cried my heart out as i looked at him directly in the eye

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you like this " he said while looking at me intensely at the eye. I never thought that he can never hurt me like this, he could never hurt me that i want to die but i was wrong so wrong

"Alam mo Matt ang sakit sakit. I never thought that you could hurt me like this , I never thought that you will never leave me to die, and i was so wrong. To be honest Matt I've never been this disappointed , left, and hurt in my whole life I thought you were different I thought that I would end up with you and be happy forever" halos pabulong kong sinabi. i couldn't take the pain. it was like a nightmare that i couldn't wake up. until i saw a beautiful girl who looks so perfect, who looks like she has no flaws walking towards us. then i noticed that matt was walking towards the girl.

nakita ko kung gaano kasaya sila, kung paano tumitig si matt sakanya,kung paano tumitig si matt sa akin nuon, pero napansin ko ng patagal ng patagal he didn't look at me the way he looks at the girl. she must be Monica.. halos gusto kung saktan sila pero Hindi ko magawa. sino ba naman ako compared ni Monica? she was flawless, I wasn't. She was Matt's type. And Matt choose her over me. I watched them walk away leaving me behind to die for.

sobrang saklap! the pain was unbearable i just wanted this to stop, i just wanted to wake up from this bad dream but this was reality. reality that i wasn't good enough, I wasn't perfect, i always make mistakes. the picture of them looking so happy together keeps on playing in my mind that it hurts. paano naman ako? nagmahal lang naman ako ha? dahil ba naging selfish ako? dahil ba napabayaan ko ang sarili ko?? dahil ba hindi ako perfect? insecurities started
to enter my mind.

after a long while napagdisisyonan ko. umuwi sa condo unit ko. hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakapunta dito it was all a blur . when i entered my room i sat down and close my eyes allowing the memories of what happened earlier flash into my mind. hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako. i decided to have a warm bath after that i checked my social media accounts and searched on Matt's facebook friends about Monica, and successfully founded her Facebook account. i saw their pictures with Matt. halos mamatay ako sa inggit. hanggang hindi ko namalayan na naka tulog na pala ako with a broken heart.

@abellakyle