Feared or Loved? |BTS ff| Arajae

5

I awoke to hear, "Gawd, I love you Ara. I just can't tell you yet. I'm so sorry." Then the person walked away. I don't the boys that well, I think it might have been Namjoon or Seokjin. For all I know, it could have been Yoongi. But, I think he really hates me soooo. Yeah. Then I heard someone else walk in. "Oh Ara!! I'm so sorry!!! I shouldn't have been so harsh!! I shouldn't have been so mean!! I should have thought about you before making such a decision!! Oh Ara!! My baby sister!!! Unnie's here. Unnie's here. She's so sorry. She's so sorry for making so many mistakes."

Then I heard her gasp and grab my wrists. I heard her sniffling. "Oh my gawd!!!" She began to full on cry. I opened my eyes. "I'm sorry unnie. I was a bad dongsaeng. I deserved what I did. I'm sorry I made you worry. I'm so sorry!!! I'm so so sorry!!!" She lifted her head. She looked beyond pissed. "WHY?!?!!??!!" She roared. I was shaking in fear, did I ever mention how scary she is when she is angry? And the fact that she can be VERY bipolar?

"I-I'm s-s-s-sorry!!! I-I-I w-won't d-do it a-again!! I sw-ear!!" I stuttered. She raised her hand. Then I felt it, the same stinging pain from my childhood. The same material from my nightmares. The reason I can never sleep well at night. I was slapped by the only person I loved. She...................hates me. I looked up at her with my watery eyes. She still had a fire in her eyes. She walked closer to me and threw my on the floor before beating me up.

I heard the door open. I looked to see Namjoon, Seokjin, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Yoongi. I looked at them with pleading eyes. They just stood there, staring. My body was aching. I was beaten by Yoongi the day before AND I was shot the day before. Before I knew it, she had stopped, and turned around. She gasped seeing them there.

"O-Oh! H-Hi!" She said before quickly leaving. I could hear her sniffles as she left. Everyone but Seokjin followed her. Seokjin walked closer to me. I backed away in fear. "S-Stay away!!! I-I will.....erm.......hit you if you come any closer!!!" I yelled. He ignored my threat and kept walking over to me. As soon as he got close to me I yelled,

"Please don't hurt me!!!!! I'm sorry!!!! I'll do anything!!!! Just please don't hurt me!!!!!!" I was screaming and crying. He walked over to me and scooped me up in his arms. I looked at him, wide eyed. "Y-You're not g-gonna hurt m-me?" He shook his head. "S-Seokjin. I'm scared. Will she hurt me again? W-Will they hit me again?" I looked at him, my eyes spilling tears like a waterfall. He set me down on a bed. Then he pulled me close for a hug.

"Shhhhhhh. It's okay. Everything will be okay. You'll be okay. I'll protect you." I just sat there, crying out my heart. She hit me. She yelled at me. I should just leave before I cause more problems. I looked at Seokjin. "Seokjin? May I use the restroom?" He chuckled and nodded. I went to the restroom, a knife in hand.

Today, I was going to stop causing so many problems for others. Today............I am going to die. I felt the cold metal against my skin. A euphoric bliss coming back to me. I love this feeling. To me it's like a drug. The red blood flowing down my wrist, the slight pain from cutting open my skin, the weight that gets lifted from my shoulders.

Everytime I do this, I feel like I'm high. I cut my arm. I feel free, as if nothing in the world was holding me down. Like I could fly away without anyone noticing. The painful feelings of loneliness, abandonment, false love......of living, just disappear. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel like freedom is right there, just within reach Until it is all stolen away from me. Jin ran into the restroom in slow motion. He began to cover all the cuts I made, but, he didn't have enough bandages. Someone always has to cover the wounds, to make me live.

To make me feel of these painful emotions. I just want to be free from this prison they call life. I grabbed one of Seokjin's hands. "I just want to be free." He shook off my hand and continued to cover my wounds. Due to blood loss, I was slowly losing consciousness.