Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
✎
"chenle?" jisung said in an airy tone. the chinese boy frowned and was confused how he knew his name.
"yes... how do you know my name?" jisung thought for a second. then he realized what was happening. chenle doesnt know who he is. the thing is, jisung was never updated on what happened to chenle ever since that day. they left without telling anyone. when they arrived at the hospital the next day, the doctors had said they left the country. they drove back to their house and it was empty. jisung cried so much and nothing ever cheered him up. not even ice cream.
jisung looked at chenle, tear falling down his face. he hesitantly reached for his cheek to caress. chenle was very much shocked why his hand was on his cheek but didn't say anything. he felt bad for the kid. he should just let him do what he wants right now, except killing himself.
jisung moved his hand away, dropped to the floor and sobbed.
"im so sorry. im so sorry." jisung said and chenle crouched down with him. though, chenle was confused why he was saying sorry so much. chenle was confused about everything.
"what are sorry about... um whats your name?" jisungs heart broke even more by his words.
he really doesn't remember and its all my fault.
"um its not your problem," jisung gets up and wipes his tears. "i have to go." jisung walks away, leaving the boy alone.
"wait!" jisung stops and sighs. turning around, he sees chenle there looking a bit nervous.
"what?"
"can you promise me not to hurt yourself again."
"why would you care." jisung said without thought. cause if he remembered, he would care.
"because i can tell that youre special and you deserve to be in this world, believe me. its not worth it." chenle said and jisung tried his best not to break down again.
had chenle tried to hurt himself? did the accident mess him up? no, he would never do such a thing. thats not him.
"fine, i-i wont." jisung turns back around and walked back downstairs.
chenle was left alone at the rooftop. he sat down on a bench nearby, seeing a unfinished sandwich.
must be the kids sandwich.
chenle hadn't eaten yet. he didn't think the boy would mind. so he decided to finish the sandwich for him. taking his last bite, he froze.
"lele... give me back my sandwich!!" young jisung whined and begged for chenle to give him back his food. they were at the park, having a small picnic while their moms chatted. though for chenle, everything was blurry. he couldn't see anyones faces or anything around him really.
"no, not unless you give me a kiss." chenle puckered his lips towards jisung, moving closer to him. jisung moved away and pushed his face away. he felt his face redden and covered it.
"no thats gross..." chenle humphed and moved his hand more up so jisung couldnt reach the sandwich.
"fine try getting it now." jisung, now hovering over chenle, extends his hand towards the food.
"ugh im so close" jisung had his hand on chenles shoulder to give him support. trying one more time, his hand slipped and they both fell. but chenle got want he wanted.
a kiss.
jisung quickly got off and hid his red face in his hands.
"haha thank you sungie, heres your sandwich." chenle giddily gave him back his sandwich and continued eating his own. though, jisung couldnt help but smile.
he just kissed his crush (by accident though) but he couldn't say that he didn't like it.
chenle pinched the boys cheek and cooed.
"baby sungie just kissed me uwu"
"yah stop it." they both ended up laughing and thought life couldn't be better without each other.
✎ chenle walks home, with the little snippet of what he wasn't sure his brain was showing him in his head. he couldn't decipher what it was. but he felt something. it was so strong.
friendship and love. yes, has felt this before but this was different. he couldn't grasp on it. the clouds slowly covered the sun, taking the light into the dark. small droplets of water fell from the clouds, and chenle stopped to look up.
then looks at his arms, which contained scattered scars of pervious cuts. its true. chenle was a cutter. growing up, he lived with the fact that he couldn't remember his entire childhood. that resolved in depression and self harm. he wasn't proud of it. he couldn't stop it. the pain hurt but felt so good. he wished everyday, maybe one day his memories would come back. but the doctors had said it would be a miracle if it did. though, he realized that spending his life in darkness and pain isn't helping him. so he figured he should change and become a better person. he hasn't thought about the depressing stuff in a long time and was glad about it. better for him at least.
he reached his house and entered. greeting his mom, he went to his lifeless room which had nothing but a bed and a bedside table. he placed his backpack down and laid on his bed. chenle noticed he was a little soaked and decided to take a bath.
he set the water to a lukewarm temperature and stripped from his clothes, getting into the tub. the water around him relaxed his muscles from all the stress. from the water he sees a scar on the left side of ribcage where they made the incision for his pleurodesis. he gently runs his hands over it and sighs.
he remembered how scared he was woke up seeing the catheter, draining fluids from his body. they had to put him under because of it. chenle giggled at the memory. it was kinda stupid of him but what can he say, he was 7 and anything medical scared him.
he wrapped his arms around his legs. he craved for someone to cuddle with him. to hold him. tell him how great he is. tell him that he loves him. tell him that he wants to spend the rest of his life with him.
a single tear escapes from his eyes, knowing he will never see that one person. it pained him that he had to leave that one person. that one person helped in recover from his depression and never again had he harmed himself... chenle thought,
i miss you, xiaojun.
✎ okay but like chungha is a whole queen,, i cant stop listening to gotta go
and also wakey wakey and miroh,, i cant handle it all holy shit-
