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jisung began cutting again.
it was after chenle announced him and xiaojun were now together. it really stabbed jisung in the heart. he thought he could never face chenle again and he was just getting better. now we're back in phase one. in the hallways, chenle who would always want to welcome jisung and say hi, but jisung would just walk past him, tears welling up in his eyes.
it truly saddened chenle, he didn't know what happened to him all of the sudden. xiaojun would tell him to keep walking and leave him alone. chenle just listened and walked back to class. chenle thought maybe he was going through a hard time and didn't want to be bothered but he just hoped he wasn't cutting again.
well he was wrong.
jisung slowly walks to the bathroom. taking out his trusty razor and making a few cuts. jisung winced at the stinging pain. after feeling satisfied, he washes the running blood off his wrists. hearing the footsteps off students walking around, he quickly bandages up his wounds in fear of someone catching him cutting.
he pulls down his sleeve to hide the gauze wraps and fixes himself. he cleans the dry tears on his cheeks and adjusts his messy hair.
after he realizes he looks presentable enough, he walks to the door.
he swings the door open and gasps once he sees a familiar brunette standing there. chenle pushes him back inside the bathroom and shuts the door.
"ow chenle what are you doing!" jisung groaned in pain by the amount of force chenle used. without saying anything, chenle grabbed the arm jisung had made freshly new cuts on and pulled up his sleeve. it revealed a bloody bandage wrapped around his wrist.
jisung saw as chenles shoulders automatically dropped. he ran his thumb across the bandaged wound and suddenly jisung broke down. tears flowed down his cheeks and he used his other hand to cover them.
"jisung, dont cry. please or else ill cry too. i dont like it when you cry..." chenle softly said, bringing hand up to caress his cheek in attempt to calm jisung down.
"im sorry that i keep doing this to myself.." jisung choked out.
"why do you keep doing this to yourself..? if you tell me maybe i can help you..." jisung removed his arm from his face and looked at the smaller boy. he felt chenle hand, gently placed on his cheek. he took his hand and felt his warmth for a split second before setting it down to chenles side.
"i had a childhood friend. a very good one. we played everyday and i loved hi- it. i loved it. that all went away when he got into an accident. and it was all my fault.." jisung closed his eyes, trying not to cry again.
"jisung, i'm sure it wasn't your fault."
"but it was. if i wasn't being so stupid, what had happened that night wouldn't have happened." jisung explained.
"oh jisung. you put too much blame on yourself. no wonder, you keep hurting yourself. cutting. its not gonna help you in any way. how would you think your friend would feel if he/she saw you doing this. it'll hurt them more than it hurts you. believe me, its not worth it." jisung focused his attention on the last thing he said.
"w-what do you mean "believe me"..." chenle sighed and prepared himself to explain.
"i used to be a cutter too."
jisung felt his heart drop to his stomach. he would have never thought chenle would cut. but i mean look at where jisung is at now.
"when i was a kid, i got into an accident. my parents wouldn't tell me the full story, but all i know is that I was hit by a car. i had sneaked out the house and when i was in the street, i guess i wasn't paying attention to the car heading my way. when i woke up from a coma, i couldn't remember anything. not even my parents. for a long time, i convinced myself that they weren't my parents. after a while though, they showed me pictures and memories and i believed them. but that didn't help much. i felt into a state of depression. just the fact that i couldn't remember my childhood pained me. so one day, i bought myself a razor and began cutting. i hated myself for it. i wish i never would have done it in the first place. my parents caught me cutting in bathroom one day and almost hugged the life out of me." chenle chuckled a little at the memory and continued.
"im glad they did though. they sent me to therapy and gradually, i stopped hurting myself. i haven't thought about doing it ever since or about killing myself. im really happy nowadays. now, you're reminding me of when i was cutting. please jisung. it pains me seeing you like this. dont kill yourself. dont cut... promise me." chenle held out his pinky. jisung was speechless.
he couldn't believe he caused so much pain for the boy. so much that he started cutting himself. a tear ran down his cheek. he saw chenles extended pinky for him to take as a sign of promise. he looked at it for a while.
maybe i should stop. like chenle said, it hurts him more than it hurts me. ill do it for chenle. he needs to stop worrying about me so much.
jisung wrapped his pinky around the other boys finger and sighed.
"promise."
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waaa im so sorry for not posting for weeks
im such a terrible author ;(
i promise u ill get better becuz im on my spring break so im free all day now!!
so yeet
also 5 days till i see nct im crying sksks i cant wait sksk hehe
