Shassie: 'Cause There Just Isn't Enough

The Talk

Lassiter awoke the next morning to find Spencer in bed with him, his back facing him. Normally he would've blown a fuse, but oddly enough, he didn't mind. He didn't want to admit his feelings for Spencer, but now he was finding that difficult. He didn't want to keep up this "bad guy" routine, but he had no other choice. He called himself straight, even though he knew the truth. But he could never be with another man again, not after what happened to... Percy.

No. He thought. I can't think about that. The thought nearly killed him. He hated thinking about Percy. His thoughts were interrupted by Shawn's movement. He turned over so he faced Lassiter. Lassiter smiled. He looked so cute when he slept. So innocent. He mentally kicked himself for thinking that. He couldn't have feelings for Shawn. He just couldn't.

But he couldn't push these feelings aside either. He was locked in a mental battle. He liked... no, he loved Shawn. But the pain that Percy left in his heart was unbearable. After the... incident, he could never love another man. He tried not to. But a month or so after the incident, he met Shawn Spencer.

He was breath-taken.

Shawn began to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he looked at Lassiter.

"Damn it. I was hoping to wake up before you did." Lassiter half smiled.

"What are you doing in here, Spencer?" Shawn looked a bit upset. A little sad.

"I felt too alone out there," He paused. "So, why haven't you blown your top yet?" Lassiter shrugged.

"I don't know. Not in the... top-blowing mood I guess." Shawn smiled sadly. He looked like he was fine, but his eyes told a different story.

"I guess." He breathed.

"You alright?" Shawn looked into his startling blue eyes. He couldn't hide it anymore.

"No." He broke down in tears, sobbing into the pillow. This was something Lassiter had never seen before.

He didn't like it.

"What's wrong?" He asked, trying to soothe him by gently rubbing his back. Shawn started to calm down a bit, but he kept sobbing. He was so confused. Did Lassiter like him or not? Lassie held him in his arms, Shawn crying into his chest. He left tear stains in his shirt.

"Seven years." He choked out.

"What?"

"I've been clinically depressed for seven years. Since I met you."

"Well, I do have that effect on people. Just ask my ex wife," He tried to make him laugh, but it didn't work. "Why are you depressed, Shawn?"

"You... you called me Shawn."

"That is your name, isn't it?"

"But... you've never called me Shawn. It's always Spencer. Spencer this, Spencer that. Never Shawn."

"Why do you have clinical depression?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Shawn paused, unsure of himself. He sat up, Lassiter sitting up with him.

"Seven years ago, when I met you, I felt an instant connection. You just... blew me away. I admired you. But the way you treated me, at first I thought it was just a friendly tease. No. You hated me. You detested me. I suppose the way I treated you wasn't exactly fair. But that was just a friendly tease. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry, Lassiter. But... I am so in love with you."

Lassiter looked at him, shocked and quite moved. He truly did feel the same way. So he did the one thing he could think to do. He kissed him. It was a warm, passionate kiss. And Shawn kissed him back. That's what surprised him. The fact that the feeling was mutual. It wasn't just him. It was a shared emotion. They stopped and looked at each other.

"Should we tell Jules?" Shawn asked.

"I wouldn't. Should I tell Marlowe?"

"Probably not."

"So we're keeping this a secret?"

"We should probably figure out what this is first. I don't know what just happened, but until we figure it out, no one can know. Okay?" Lassiter nodded.

"I never thought I'd say this out loud, but I love you, Shawn."

"I love you too, Lassieface."