Staying Strong Is The ONLY Option

Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

I wanna tell you a lot of things.

But first, let me start with how angry and hurt I am by you right now. Yes, I don't know who you are yet...but where are you? My heart feels empty without you. I bet you're with some chick, smiling and laughing, when you should be smiling and laughing with me. I hate how I am trying to justify you not being with me right now. But I understand. I trust His timing. I believe that if you are possibly in my life right now, we might not end up together.

So, I guess, I will endure all the guys who are passing in my life too. I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry that I have to give someone else the chance of making me laugh and smile. Believe me when I say that I wish, it's you already who is doing that for me. Believe me when I say that I know my laugh will be the loudest when you are already the reason. And, my smile will come from my heart when it's already you.

Also, I want to tell you that I miss you already. At times, I hug my pillow and pretend it's you. I long for your presence. I long for your warmth and touch. I long for you. How can I possibly miss you when I don't even know who you are yet?

One day, I will tell you how broken I was when I fell in love before, and then, you will tell me that I no longer have to worry about going through that again. I will no longer feel lost because you will promise to not put me through that anymore. And, I will believe you..because unlike the others, you will stay. Unlike the others, you won't be intimidated by the walls I built around my heart. You will hold me as I let you comfort me. I will let you in...but for now, let me already apologized if you will have difficulties in the beginning. One day, I will tell you why... I will tell you how the first love story I have ever known in my life was not successful. I will tell you how I am so terrified to let anyone in my life because I don't want anyone to hurt me the way my father destroyed my mom. I will tell you how I was a victim of that too.

And you will understand why it is so hard for me to trust anyone, to believe anyone, and to love anyone.

You will know that behind my sweet smiles and loud laugh, I cry myself all the time. At night when all I think about is how I should be happy even without you, because that's how it should be. I should be happy even just by myself. During the day, when I read a book, watch a movie or a show, or listen to music and I wish that you are here with me. In the morning, when I just wake up, and I realize that it's yet another day of waiting for you. See, now, do you understand why I am hurt by you already even when you probably don't know I exist?

Don't worry, I forgive you.

I understand.

You can probably tell that I myself may not be ready for you right now. You can probably tell that I myself also want to be the best version of myself before we begin.

I want to deserve you, as you deserve me.

But here is what I will promise you! I will be worth it... I will give you all of me. You will experience how I love with all my heart. You will know that your future wife, your love, will give you everything you ask for. I know, like me to you, you will never ask for anything that will hurt me. So, love me as I love you. Every day. Every night. And every moment of our lives.

One day, you will tell me that I am worth it. You will tell me how like me, you also can't believe we have not met sooner. Like me, you will probably question why just now?

I will learn how to cook your favorite food, but I want you to understand that I can't cook for you every night. I want you to know that you will need to do chores too because I am lazy most days. On our days off, I'd prefer to laze in bed and watch cheesy movies all day. On some days, I may let you watch your action movies but I can't promise to stay awake the whole time. Right now, I am already picturing you waking me up with soft kisses on my forehead, as you say, "I told you, I can watch this alone. Next time, we will watch what you want." and I will just smile at you with so much adoration and love in my eyes as I send a silent prayer to Him.

I will thank Him every time.. every day.. every moment of my life.

Just like how I talk to Him right now, and tell Him that I trust His timing.

So, I will wait for you... and wait for me too. Because, I believe that when we meet... you and I will both be ready.. together, and we will be happy for the rest of our lives... with God in the middle of our relationship.

I can't wait. I am too excited to meet you.

But for now, I will just pray every day for you. And I do hope, you are praying for me too.

I love you.

Always.

Love,

Your Future Wife