Staying Strong Is The ONLY Option

My Biggest Enemy: Me

Dedicated to @mywrdmlc 

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They said it was all in my head, the voices I mean. But does that mean, they aren't real?

They are as real as you and me, believe me.

 One of them told me today that I am beautiful, worthy of living. 

But last week, oh, last week was hard. One of the voices, my least favorite of all told me that the world is a better place without me. 

The voice told me to go look for a sharp object and dig it in to my skin, it told me to "Cut, cut, cut", and when I said "No".. the voice became angry and told me I was weak if I didn't.

So I gave in. I cut. I watched the crimson liquid dripping from my skin, tainting the tiles in our kitchen. 

"See, I told you it's comforting" the voice said

"Yes, but it hurts" I answered

"But at least, you're feeling something, aren't you?" he said, challenging me. 

And I agree. Before this pain, I was so numb. Empty. And for days, that was what I did, CUT!

"FEELINGS ARE FEELINGS" I yelled. Then my parents came rushing to my room, looking so confused as they see me with a blade on hand and cuts all over my body. 

They were so scared, terrified. PANIC started to emanate in the room. My over sensitive self started to feel all the emotions exploding in my room. And then, I lost it. 

I cried. And I screamed. I wanted to die. 

My parents ran to me and hugged me, "It will be okay baby", they say. But who are they trying to convince? Me? or themselves?

No point convincing me. I am okay. 

They said, I need help. So I followed, though help for what? I have no idea. Like I said, I am okay. 

They brought me to a white office, a really bright office and I met a beautiful woman. She asked me a million questions and I answered. 

We talked, she said a lot of things, suggested things I should try. So I did. 

I threw my beloved friends that I shared so many memories with: the blade, the pills, and the alcohol. 

I made new friends, ones that supported me and understood what I was going through, and they never failed to remind me that everything is going to be okay. This time, I believe them. 

Just like me, they have their battle scars written so beautifully all over their body. 

Just like me, their eyes are just starting to have brightness again. 

And just like them, I am getting better now. 

I found happiness, FINALLY! 

In God.

In my family.

In my friends.

In me.

And as long as I have that happiness, I will be okay. As long as I have myself, I will be okay. 

Do I still get sad? Yes.

I am just human after all but what I learned is that I should never focus on the negative side of life. I should always aim for the better. And I should never, ever give up on myself. 

Ever.