The Lost Ones

The Lost Ones - Chpt 18

"It's my time son. I love you." My father said.

"No, papa. Sie können das nicht tun!" I begged, trying every ounce of my body to persuade him. "They can't do this!"

The soldiers pushed him over in front of the firing squad and dragged me away. I tried running to him, shaking them off unsuccessfully. I tried to wriggle myself free, somehow managing to get a grip on the butt of a rifle. Tugging on it, I could not seem to have control over it. Then I felt a hard knock to my belly and a hand tugging the top of my head.

BANG

My father dropped to the floor.

"Noooooooooooo"I yelled as I fell into the abyss.

My eyes flew open. I sat up ramrod straight, my hand reaching for my pistol. Scanning the room, I saw no one and started to relax. It's the same damn nightmare again. Every damn time.

Ugh. Fuck me. Must have fallen asleep again.

I ran my hand down my face, trying to freshen my face up before getting back to work. On my desk laid 7 folders with "Classified" on the cover. The 7 members of my "Suicide Squad" as I would put it. The most competent of the incompetent bunch. I picked up the folders and read through from the top, down.

Alexander "Cyber" Matthews, competencies in IT and radios. Served initially in the British Army but was recruited by Rainbow 4 years ago. Best of his batch and reliable. Better be reliable, or I'll shoot him dead myself. Six won't even know it.

Mustafa "Ignition" Pasha, competencies in explosives and machinery. Served in the Turkish Land Forces for 5 years before retiring and joining a PMC. Selected and passed the tests. An average soldier, but his discipline and his can-do attitude was what I needed.

Karl "Stride" Manstein, highly competent in recon. Served in the Deutsches Bundeswehr for 10 years, posted to Afghanistan for 2 terms. Selected and scored above average for tests. His agility and scouting ability are essential for the survival of my team.

Jacob "Roger" Miles, excelled in marksmanship. Served as a Marine sniper for 5 years. Selected and scored above average for tests. A scout sniper would do well to take out high-priority targets. I'll pair him up with Karl. They will do well together.

Sam "Lancelot" Shepard, excelled in close quarters combat and assault rifles. Served as an American infantryman for 15 years, served 4 tours in Iraq. Selected and scored in the higher quartile of the batch. A reliable front-line soldier. Nothing more to be said.

Steven "Doc" Chiang, competent in frontline first aid and surgery. Served in the Singapore Armed Forces for 10 years. Notable performance in volunteer work in Afghanistan. Selected and scored above average. I could have sworn he was the medic I picked up to extract Ash. Hmm.

Lastly, Monica "Athena" Schmidt, natural leader and tactician. Served in the Deutsches Bundeswehr for 15 years. Planned to climb up to the rank of general but was offered a place at Rainbow Six. Another one of the best of the batch. Why did I have to choose her? Another Monica? Fuck, as though dealing with Monika isn't enough. Why can't she be named someone else? No matter, she'll be a good second in command.

I let out a long sigh as I placed down the last of the dossiers. This is not going to be easy. Whatever their results may be, they are still cannon fodder, not operators, they are not that level yet. I'll have to be more careful. Or not. I could care less. I just need the job done. I ran my hand through my hair as I started on my request for these souls.

After submitting the request, I stood and walked over to my window overlooking the parade square. I stood there watching the soldiers go about their training under the hot sun while thinking about Eliza. It was always her. Not my family, not Six, her. For the past two months it has been like this. Dwelling on about that same incident repeating over and over again. I let out a long sigh, cursing myself. At night my family and in the morning Eliza. Wunderbar. During this "sessions", I tried to get the courage to go and talk to her. Tried to think of scenarios that may happen and think of what to say. But I could not. I went back to my desk and browsed the internet for nothing and everything. In my browsing, I came across a song called "I always kill the things I love" – by Claudia Bruecken.

How fitting huh.

Overcome by curiosity, I started the song.

"I love the chase, 'til the minute I win it

A beautiful face 'til there's love for me in it

Give me your heart and baby I'll bill it

'Cause I always kill the things I love"

As I listened to this, I just thought of Eliza and what she did. Why Eliza? Why? Why does this get to me? It's so frustrating. As I mull over these thoughts, I missed part of the song except for this part:

"The look in your eyes will turn to surprise

As you feel the pain and you realize

The one hurting you is somebody who

Once said "I love you""

I felt my hand clench immediately and shake on the desk. Fuck. I can't do this. I unclenched my hands and wiped my face. I felt wetness on my hands and cheek. What the fuck? Why am I crying?

I grabbed the tissues on my desk and wiped my eyes, trying to compose myself.

"Somebody we'll pay back all we've borrowed

What we loved today we'll lose tomorrow

But I won't need to wait for my share of sorrow

Because I always kill the things I love"

Why did I leave it running? I turned it off immediately. Fuck this song. Why does it mean so much? I stood up abruptly and ran to the toilet. Turning on the shower, I stepped in, letting the cold water fall onto me, my clothes and all. I rested my head on the wall of the shower behind me. I slid down to the floor, sitting there, I could not tell between my tears and the water from the shower, but I knew I was crying. I fell in too deep into this hole. And I cannot get out.