Burn It and Move On

Part 9: Fall 1995 - Ohio

The walk from the bus stop to Christopher's new apartment carried the first chill of autumn. The breeze cut straight through my hoodie and raised goosebumps across my skin. My entire body trembled, my legs jelly from the long ride and my hands shaking with the nerves.

I hadn't warned Christopher. I could've used the payphone at the bus station to call him, to tell him I was coming, but I couldn't bring myself to take the change out of my pocket.

We hadn't talked about being together like this in any of our phone calls, though we never talked about ending what was between us either. We hadn't ever talked about me moving in or even a future past the end of summer.

We'd talked every day since he moved away from home two weeks ago. He told me how his college classes were going and how he liked the guy who lived in the apartment with him, even though that guy wasn't there most nights because he had a girlfriend on campus.

Christopher thought I was taking a gap year to travel the world with my family.

Really, we were just going to leave. Our pattern was to only stay in each place for one season. Just three months. Then we would disappear. We'd see what we wanted to see then be gone before anyone noticed us. Before they noticed we didn't age, that our backstories didn't quite add up, that we weren't quite normal.

But this time, they left without me. For the first time in ages, I was alone.

I stood in front of Christopher's door and tried to swallow the lump building in my throat. My entire body ached: my feet, my head, my heart. I tried to gather enough courage to knock, tried to pull my bravery out from where it was buried under how incredibly stupid I felt. Inside, I could faintly hear Clair de Lune played on an electric keyboard. I shut my eyes a moment to listen. Christopher was playing it on the other side of the door, my boy with the infinity eyes.

I knocked.

Clair de Lune stopped.

I heard him stand. I heard his feet carry him to the door. I heard him undo the lock and turn the knob.

Then he was there in front of me.

Christopher's hair was disheveled. He was wearing sweatpants and t-shirt from an old summer camp he'd gone to. His thick glasses were sliding down his freckled nose and he pushed them up to try to focus on me.

I realized it was late. He had just been practicing before bed. He hadn't been expecting me and that was my own fault. "I-I'm sorry, Chris. I didn't mean to just show up but-"

"Stephanie?" The light that flooded into his face was a relief. "Steph!"

He reached out for me and I practically jumped into his arms. He smelled like Old Spice and I could feel his heart beating through the soft fabric of his t-shirt.

"I need a place to stay, Chris."

Christopher led me through his apartment. "It's okay, you can stay here, it's okay." He pulled me into his room and then down onto his bed with him. I sat on his lap, curled up with my face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me like he was rocking a child. "It's okay. You're safe. You don't need to go."

"Will your roommate be mad I'm here?"

"No, no, David will be fine. He'll love you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, sweetheart. You don't have to worry." He stroked my hair, ran his hand over my arm. "What happened?"

"My family left."

"They left?"

"They left."

"And they're not coming back?"

Tears started streaming down my face as a sob choked my words.

Christopher's arms tightened around me. "It's okay, Steph. It's okay, I love you, you're safe."

I turned my face up to his, found his lips. "I love you too."

He had no idea what it meant for me to be there. He didn't know how badly I needed to be with him.

Our bodies tangled together.

Clean blankets fresh out of the dryer.

Ragged breaths.

The first sunrise after a blizzard.

Rapid heartbeats.

The first moments of a concert, just as the lights go down and the music starts to play.

His hands pulling me closer and closer.

The final countdown on New Year's Eve and the giddy pop of champagne as cheers go up to welcome the new rotation.

Fingertips tracing down sensitive nerves.

The first time Pop Rocks hit my tongue and popped along my taste buds.

I'd never felt a touch like his before.

The flash of a Polaroid camera and the subsequent hum as it rolls out the square of captured joy.

He made time stop.

I spent so long running. I was always running. Even when I had the chance to sleep with someone, I was always counting down the seconds until I could get out of there in the back of my mind.

There was no countdown with Christopher. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I could actually rest.

Christopher and I rolled over onto the bed and let the air conditioner cool our heated skin. Unconsciously, his fingers drew circles over my bare back. I reached up to push his hair out of his face. He caught my hand and pressed his lips to my palm.

"I'm glad you're here, Stephanie," he whispered. "I know it blows why, but I'm glad you're here."

I pressed myself closer to him. "I'm glad I'm here too."

I fell asleep against his chest without even realizing how exhausted I was. I was just next to him, awake, and then I was asleep in his arms.