Burn It and Move On

Part 8: Fall 1978 - Jonestown

"Xenia, no!"

Florence, 1503. Drops of paint like stars on every surface. Dirty brushes that need to be washed. Gal's lovely laughter. "Xenia, can't you just sit still for Leo for a few minutes? Aella posed for hours without a problem."

"Shut up, lover boy, I'm doing just fine."

Leonardo smiled at my comment and added another swipe of paint to his portrait of me.

"Don't you die on me, Xenia, don't you dare." Demi's voice sounded distant, as if he were calling out to me from the other side of a tunnel.

Paris, 1800. The catacombs. Demi's voice echoes off the bones that tile the walls. Our lantern bring light into the hollows of the skulls. To be alone with these fragmented souls, I wonder how my own soul doesn't fracture in their presence.

The back of my throat was tainted with the bitter taste of sugar and cyanide. I never liked Kool-Aid in the first place.

The world spun, blurred. There was no air to breath and my lungs desperately worked to catch enough to keep me going.

California, 1955. The vague smell of wet paint under the smell of popcorn and summer heat. I wanted to ride the teacups again. The teacups were my favorite. Aella wanted to find Mickey.

My stomach turned over and I twisted in Demi's grip.

"Gal, get her some water!"

"She's dying. We need to get out of here."

"Dammit, just get her some water! She's going to be fine." Demi wiped my mouth for me. "You're going to be fine, Xenia, you're going to be okay."

The water on my lips was cold and made it harder to breath. I tried to turn my head away but my muscles were too weak for me to move.

I didn't want it, I didn't want to drink anything else.

"I'm going to pick you up now, Xenia, okay? I'm going to get you out of here and you're going to be fine."

Pompeii, 79. "Is this bread real or is it fraudulent? I can't tell from the stamp. I'm not going to eat bread these liars made with sawdust."

"Are you really going to complain about bread when you know all of these people are going to be dead in months?"

"Well, they're alive now so what's their excuse?"

"If you're not going to eat the bread, Xenia, then feed it to the dog in the garden."

"His name is Sweetie and you should call him such!"

Humidity stuck to my skin. Did I have a fever? When had we gotten this far out of the compound? Where was Aella? I'd only come here to follow her. She was dumb for joining a cult. Especially a cult that relocates to South America.

I smelled diesel over the scent of Demi's sweat. My face was pressed into his shoulder. I could barely see the trees.

January 2019. A message from Mars: "It's dark and my batteries are dying."

It was only supposed to be there for 90 days, have it been there too long? I know what it's like to feel like an alien in a place you're told you're meant to be.

The roads are rough and muddy. Demi is driving and he's going too fast.

When did I get in the car?

"It's okay, Xenia, it's okay. You'll be safe, I'll take care of you."

"Oh, God, Xenia, why did you drink the Kool-Aid? Didn't you know where that idiom came from? Why would you be so stupid?" Aella? Aella was here. When did she get here? Where did she come from?

"Stupid? She was just following you, you idiot! How dumb do you have to be to join a cult? Especially Jonestown!"

Their bickering rose up and filled the car. Galenos stroked my hair, wiped the spit from my mouth. "How are you still alive, Xenia?"

Nasugba, 1915. "How are you still alive?"

Galenos pulled himself from the ocean and shook the water from his hair. "I swam."

"Aella and I found your boat this morning!" I ran down the beach and threw myself at him. "She and Demi are out looking for you right now. We thought you drowned."

"I tipped out." He hugged me to him. "Is Democritus pissed?"

"No, he's just worried."

"How's Xenia doing?" Democritus glanced over his shoulder at us, at me.

"She's not getting worse."

Hear that? I'm not getting worse.

"How is she not dead already? She drank a cup of poison!" Aella twisted in her seat.

I wasn't dizzy anymore and my stomach was starting to settle.

How did I live? Everyone else who drank the Kool-Aid was dead. They all died quickly.