Umberto X Winifred

You've got me, comrade

Umberto closed his eyes, and felt himself inching towards death. "Ha, bitch." Said an outside voice softly, but emotionally in a Russian accent. "Woah you thot." Umberto choked out before he slipped into a void of darkness.

-
Umberto got up on time today for school, surprisingly. When he went outside, Winifred was nowhere to be seen. His motorcycle was gone, so he probably left for school. When Umberto got into the bus, everyone stared at him. It was then he noticed he had blood all over his chocolate milk flavored pants from the night before, when him and Winifred literally had sex on a dead guys body. "I-I-I-I-I-I-i-I-I-t's just ketchup guys." He said really nerdily. Everyone laughed at him because he was a loser. Then, Winifred crashed through the window on his motorcycle. "Do nOT make fun of MY MAN." Winifred shrieked loudly. Everyone stopped because he's the coolest bad boy in school. Then him and Umberto had sex because this is a yaoi. Everyone watched and thought it was awesome because Winifred is the coolest bad boy in school and can do whatever he wants. When they arrived at school, they went inside together and a group of boys who were around 7 feet tall walked up to them. "You the...HOMOSEXUALS...around here?" The big boi in the front said. "Yeah, so what if we are?" Winifred sneered as Umberto literally sank into the floor. "lOOK WHAT YOU JUST DID TO MY MAN!" Winifred boiled with anger as he tried to pull Umberto out of the floor. It was no use, the tiles turned into a quicksand like substance. Winifred has to take off his shirt, because he was sweating. A LOT. when he managed to pull Umberto out, the 7 foot boys were all ready gone. Umberto suddenly had a flash back.

A young Umberto jumped into a pool, and suddenly realized he had no idea how to swim. He started flailing around the pool.
"Oh man! I'll help you!" Screamed a miniature Winifred as he helped Umberto out of the pool. "Thanks." Said Umberto, really nasally. From that point on, him and Winifred were bff's forever. But not forever. In 8th grade, Winifred manifested his charm super powers and started using them on everyone in the grade. He abandoned Umberto to be come the super cool baddest boy in highschool.

"I remember!!!" Umberto screeched really loudly. And he then proceeded to be super mad at Winifred for abandoning him. They made up and made out after because, y'know, this is yaoi. [QUe rEally lOud mOaning] "do you wanna.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................come to my place after school?" Said Winifred. "Um yes sister." Said Winifred. School passed in like 30 seconds because I don't wanna write that. As Winifred was about to walk to Winifred's house, he got jumped by the 7 foot gang. They put a bag over his head and threw him in their white van. Around 20 minutes later, they pushed him into a house. When they took the bag off of his head, he was surrounded by booze, syringes, and candles. The seven foot gang were holding hands in a circle around him. "Spirits in this room, we know that gays have the best drugs, and the prophecy said we need to sacrifice one. We have this big nerd here who is a perfect candidate for converting into drugs." The tallest member spoke softly. They all hummed in unison, "gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy drrrrruuuuuggggssss."
One of them placed a book down in front of Umberto. "Turn this sorry excuse of a man into gay drugs, and use his spirit as you please." The shorted one said. Umberto's food started turning into crystal meth. "The spirits have heard our request, busters." Said the tallest one. Umberto obviously started screaming because his foot literally just turned into crystal meth. Umberto then thought of the perfect plan. He snorted the crystal meth and gained mega meth strength and broke the ropes tying him to the floor. He used his mega meth strength to kick the tallest one in the nose, but the shortest one jumped on his back. Umberto drop kicked one of the other members, slamming the short one on his back on the floor. Umberto did a mega meth back flip and ate one members ear. He was sweating so bad that the smell of his chocolate milk pants melting filled the room. Once he was done murdering all of the 7 foot gang with his mega meth strength, he saw Winifred at the door slow clapping. "That was very good, comrade." Winifred said in his true Russian accent. "You May have killed my gang, but you know have to deal with me, THE COMMUNIST LORD."