love you

sorry

This has nothing to do with my other chapter, that many people have never read, and probably won't ever read but I'm gonna show you guys how crappy my last two weeks have been.
If your sensitive, please don't read, don't wanna make you cry
Well here I go
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For the past week me and my friends have been fighting.  There's C she's a girl and she used to be my best friend
Then there's R he's kinda a third wheel in the group
Theirs me
And there's M he's my boyfriend and my best friend since 1st grade

It started with C messaging me on her computer telling me that her parents took her phone, now C has a lot of emotional problems and she needed to talk to R. This is because she didn't think that I know how she feels, in her words it's cause I have a relationship with M and I've never felt heart break.
Which isn't true, I have felt heartbreak,  it takes up half my life.  So I messaged R and asked him if he could talk to her, and he said NO, what kind of friend does that?  Well I don't.
Sooner or later C got her phone back and started texting R,  halfway through the rant R turned on airplane mode, now for those who don't know what that does, it silences all notifications.
But the thing is he turned it on halfway through C's rant, which means he read some of it and knew she was struggling.  But being the asshole he is, he decided to apologize to her and not me.
C Being the person she is, instantly forgave him, as I was still on the other side of the argument.
So now I'm fighting her fight for her while she wimps out and at the first sight of danger switches to the other side of the fight. So all in all C joined R and I was left alone.

A couple of weeks later she decides to have some coffee with R and text me about it,
They then both texting me and called me an idiot, and a person that doesn't deserve to have coffee with someone.
Well, they were right!
I don't deserve that, I don't deserve a life, and I've started to do something about that
Anyway, I started texting C and we were so close to being friends again
Then I worded something wrong and ruined it
So I finished it to
Told her I'm never gonna talk to her again and how if that's the only way she's gonna be happy, I will just leave, so I did.
I left and started texting M so I didn't hurt myself
He told me it wasn't my fault over and over again
Then after a while he said he had to go to bed, but right before he said love ya he told me that it was my fault but he didn't want me beating myself up over it
But I deserve to be beaten up cause in a week I managed to ruin two different relationships completely all by my self.
So I sat and listened to one song on repeat "baby don't cut" by Bmike which I'm still listening to now while writing this
But I want them to know that right when M said that it hit me like a brick cause I knew he was right and hearing someone else say that to me opened up my mind
I finally realized that my entire life has been a failure
I was three months early when I  was born and almost died, throughout my life I lied to hide my pain and the lies got bigger and bigger, which just caused more pain
And now I ruined a relationship
So now I'm saying I'm sorry
I'm sorry for being a reject
I'm sorry for being an idiot and ruining a great relationship
I'm sorry for ruining everyone else's day by just being seen
But you won't have to worry bout that anymore
Cause I'm done, done lying, done trying to be something in not and done being a reject
So yeah I am doing something to change that
And it's probably not gonna change
But I can try, right?
                                  Sincerely- someone that deserves to die