Yours Truly, Sage

One Day...

April 15, 2017

Dear Diary,

I thought...he'd be upset. I take it all back! I mean, yeah I was being honest and yeah I totally meant it but, I take it all back. I'm so sorry! He'll probably never forgive me. What'll happen if he takes my advice and never talks to me again? What if he does something stupid and hurts himself. I'm so sorry! I wish you could hear me now, I wish you knew how sorry I was. I hope you forgive me...

Yours Truly, Sage <3

I was sitting in my room, writing an essay for English when I heard a knock at the door. Everyone else was home so I didn't bother to answer. I heard a familiar voice and my parents welcoming someone, so I figured it was my father's friend who was supposed to come for dinner. I continued writing my essay...

"Sage! Come downstairs you have company!", my mother called from downstairs. I glanced over at the clock that hung on my bedroom wall.

7:22. My friends weren't expected for another hour and a half. Who could it have been? I walked downstairs and into the parlor. I saw him sitting on the couch next to my brother and father, he seemed really at home and it made me uneasy.

Kaito Tanaka

"You've got to be fucking kidding me", I said out loud. Everyone looked at me, shocked that I spoke a whole sentence, shocked that I cursed out of the blue. I was shocked too but, I wouldn't let it show because my focus was on why the crazy Asian kid from school was in my house.

My mother peeked her head out from the kitchen, rubbing her hands with a towel. "What did you just say?" I began to stutter and slur my words, I wasn't sure what to say.

"U-um Kai...what are you doing h-h-here", I asked.

Kai chuckled, "I was going to take you out, remember?"

I did remember but, I didn't want to. 

"I...I...-".

Ken comes up to me and pats my back. "Sage, it's okay. You should go get dressed and go out with your little friend". My eyes widened, why was he supporting this? What did Kaito do to my family? I looked over to my sister, trying to figure out what she thought of this wretched situation.

She was attempting to hold in a laugh... you've got to be kidding me.

I sigh and go back upstairs to get 'dressed'. A simple turtleneck sweater and dark denim jeans should be okay. I head back downstairs. I sigh and walk to the door, waiting for Kai. He stood up and met me at the door. He put his arm around my shoulders and said bye to my family.

While we were walking to god knows where he broke the perfectly normal silence and asked me the dumbest question a human could ever ask Sage Lilian Aoki.

"Why don't you like me, Sage?"

I sigh an elongated sigh to let him know how dumb he is. I walked in front of him and grabbed his shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I said the most my brain would allow me so he'd get the point.

"You're creepy, loud, annoying, obnoxious, a stalker, a little crazy, and you came all the way to my damn house and just sat there like you were part of my family. If there was never a reason for me to despise you, you just gave me one by doing this! I think you're cute and I'd probably date a guy like you but you're so clingy and weird that I don't think I'd date you and that might sound rude or mean but it's true to a ridiculous amount and I would really appreciate it if you took me home and never spoke to me again".

I was breathing heavy and became visibly tired, I'd never said that much at once in my life and it honestly tired me out. My throat and head hurt so bad! Yet, I continued to look Kai in the face to see his reaction. But there was no reaction, he simply grabbed my hand and kissed it. 

"Thank you for being honest with me Sage, I hope we can be friends instead. Maybe one day you'll change your mind about me if you don't, that's okay my brother says things like that to me all the time. I know it took you a lot of energy to speak so much at once so I'll take you home so you can rest", he said.

My heart was shattered. 

I expected him to be angry, no, furious with me. I expected to see a violent side of him and I have no idea why. What he said really hit my heart and I wanted to take it all back because I felt bad but, he'd know I was lying. All while he said that he had nothing but a sad smile on his face. 

Oh, Kai... I'm so sorry. I can never forgive myself.

When we got to the doorstep of my house, he grabbed my hand once more. "Sage", he said, "before you go, I just want you to know that everything you say has a big impact on me and I really want to be close to you any way you'd let me. Even if you don't love me back, I'll still love you... I just have to love you in a different light now", he chuckled. A single tear escaped my eye and all I could do was nod.

I unlocked the front door and stepped in, taking one more look at Kai. "See you on Monday", he exclaimed with a smile. A fake smile, for sure. I closed the door, unable to say anything back.

My therapist always told me that if I could never verbally communicate, the best way to go is the eyes. No matter what a person may say or how they may look, if you look in their eyes, you'll see the truth. In Kai's eyes, I saw utter heartbreak and shame, I shouldn't have said anything.