Hope and Darkness

Ch 9

Chp 9 . Darkness,worry and acceptance -Mavis

It's halfway through the month of September. I have been attending the school for the blind. The first day I was so nervous. I've nearly lost my sight,but thankfully I can still see somewhat. The teachers at my school are really helpful. Learning how to read braille has been the hardest thing for me. I'm still able to write. I'm wearing glasses for now to help me read what I write. I've been writing in a journal to help me cope with everything that happened. Writing to God brings me closer to God. I pray to him every night now. One night before I go to sleep I pray to God. "Dear God thank you for Aunt Meagan. Please give me the strength to heal emotionally,spiritually and physically. Help me to fully trust you God and submit myself to your will. To open up my heart up to you. I ask that you would give me peace as I mourn my parents death. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I pray this in your holy and precious name Amen."

I fall asleep quickly feeling at peace knowing I can surrender myself to God and that his holy spirit is always with me watching over me.

Later that night I have another bad dream. This time it's about when he raped me and I was tied to the bed helpless wishing someone would save me, drifting in and out of consciousness.

"No please. Don't hurt me",I try to say,but my voice is too hoarse and dry. I scream the best I can. I feel this pain all of sudden as he is on top of me. I can't breathe with his weight on me.

I'm crying harder now as all of sudden my body can't stop shaking. My vision is blurry as I try to wake up. My ears are ringing. I can't breathe. I try to scream for help,but I can't speak. My body won't stop shaking in spasms. I feel someone roll me on my right side. I vomit all over. I hear a voice that sounds so familiar. It's Aunt Megan.

"Oh my gosh sweetie. Stay with me. It's going to be okay",She says to me as she is wiping my mouth with tissues trying to steady my body and has a pillow propped underneath my head.

I feel so dizzy I don't know what's going on. Finally what seems like forever my body stops shaking. Tears run down my face. I can breathe again.

"Oh lord please help Mavis to survive and watch over her in Jesus name. Thank you Lord",I hear auntie pray over me.

"Can you hear me?"She asks me.

Slightly I nod my head and try to speak. I can't though for a few minutes my brain feels frozen.

"You're okay. You're going to be alright Mavis. Aunt Megan is here. You had a seizure,but it's over now. That scared me so much,She tells me as she wipes my face with a tissue. She strokes my hair and softly hums a song from church. She prays to God asking him for protection and healing over me,yet to help us get through this.

I realize at this moment I could've died,but I didn't. I feel his presence more than I have before. I realize he does have plans for me and loves me. That he and my parents are watching over me. I am a survivor. It's a miracle I survived what I went through. Surviving my first seizure is a sign that things will be okay. Tears fall down my face as auntie strokes my hair and says "it's okay. Ssh shh. Can you hear me?"

"Yes. Aunt Megan," My words sound slurred and my throat feels raw and hoarse.

"Oh my gosh. I'm so happy to hear your voice. Aunt Megan is here. Everything will be alright. I love you so much."

I love you so much too. Thank you for everything. I'm really glad you're here."

I cough a little,so she pats my back rubbing it soothingly. I try to sit up and lay against her. My right side feels numb.