suicidal || changlix

4

Again, it was Felix who woke me. He was showering. I went to check on him, but nothing was wrong. "Eh, shower with the door closed Felix." I scold and close it. Felix yells "Sorry." And I go to eat. Today I made some toast. Felix came out with some shorts on and sat on the counter. "Morning babe." I greet and look over my shoulder. "Morning Changbin" Felix says groggily. I ruffle his hair and pick up his arms. 

I touch some of the more deep ones and Felix winces. "Sorry." I apologize and wrap his arms up. Felix brings up his sweatpants and lets me look at his legs. The cuts were good enough to not have to bandage. "These ones are good. All healed." I inform Felix. Felix smiles and wraps his arms around my neck. I take him off the counter and he just wraps his legs around my waist. I finish the toast and put it on the table.

Felix gets off me and sits next to me. "Are you okay? You seem tired." I ask. "I am a little tired." Felix tells me. Sliding a piece of toast to him, I force Felix to eat. I eat while watching him on his phone. I put my plate in the sink and clean up after breakfast. "Felix, I need to go out for groceries. Stay here, I won't be long." I tell Felix and walk out.

Walking down to the grocery store, I decide to pick up some books too. Felix likes books right? I grab some fruit and vegetables. Whispering to myself, I check off my mental shopping list. I also get some chocolate for Felix too. After paying for the food, I go down to the book store. Going through all of the books, I get caught up in the manga section. A manga called 'Houseki no Kuni' looks really good, so I get the first one for Felix and I.

Slowly I walk home. I open the door to a crying Felix. His bandages are off and fresh cuts are everywhere. His hands were quivering and he tries to hid a pill bottle behind him. I drop everything and run over to him. "Babe what are you doing?" I ask. Felix breaks down and just hugs me. "I can't h-help myself." Felix cries out. Blood is all over me, but I could care less. The world doesn't matter, Felix does.

Felix explains everything that's wrong with him. I start to cry with him. "Babe, if you go I go." I say and Felix cries more. I sit on the floor with Felix on top of me. The carbon monoxide alarm goes off. "Babe. I don't want you to go but I want to." Felix cries. He's now sobbing. "We'll be together." I say. Felix nods. He lets me have the bottle of medicine and I see it's medicine. Felix planned it. I take three and Felix does too. 

Felix writes 'I'm sorry' on a piece of paper and both of us sign it. We lie on the bed and I hold Felix while crying. "I love you, sorry I couldn't help you." I whisper into his ear. Felix sobs at the sound of my voice. He holds me tight, with all of his might. We muted the carbon monoxide detector so we wouldn't be reminded. We fall asleep in each others arms, while holding hands. The last words we exchanged were "I love you" and "I love you too."

No one's POV

Chan knocked on the door twice before slowly walking in. Changbin and Felix weren't breathing on the bed. "Felix? Changbin?" Chan rushes over and tries to perform cpr, but it had already been hours. Changbin and Felix were dead. Chan fell to his knees and cried. He called 911 and tried to get rescue efforts, then he found the note. 'I'm sorry we weren't better- Felix and Changbin." "Changbin, Felix why?? Why? You were good enough!" Chan breaks down over the bodies of his best friends. The police dragged him away.

2 years later

"Chan, you should go and visit their graves." Hyunjin suggested. Chan slams a beer on the table, but after some pushing from Hyunjin, he agrees. Standing above the two graves labeled "Lee Felix" and "Seo Changbin" Chan breaks down. He recalls the day he found his best friend and his boyfriend dead in their apartment. Recalling their blank faces, Chan cries.

"No one had to exit the world. Everyone I loved hates me. I even hate myself." Chan chokes on the words. He hold the cold metal knob in his hand and over turns it a few times. "You were good enough, but i'm not. I'll never be. I'm broke, sad, and destroyed." Chan sobs. Tears pour out of his eyes as he realizes the harsh reality of the world. Good for no one. "I'm sorry Stray Kids." Chan whispers. "You couldn't make me stay." He holds his finger to the trigger and

Bang

Chan falls on top of his two best friends graves, dead.