Bad Romance.

1

Stefani Germanotta

         The making of a movie is more gruesome than some can imagine, the amount of time and energy that is necessary may overwhelm some. Yet others tend to get high on such. When you love what you do and doing it brings you lots of joy and happiness, you become more than willing to give it your all, because you know you will get it all back in spades.

         That's why I find myself in the predicament that I'm in right now, up at 4 a.m. cooking some pasta and more Italian cuisine. I'm only up this early because I have to meet Bradley Cooper at 7 this morning at his place, we going to start working on his movie, 'A Star Is Born'. I am so grateful that he chose me to work with him, and even though others didn't believe in me he did, and so I want to do as much as possible to pay him back for that.

        I was really tired because I was up all night stressing out about working in the movie in general, I really want to give this project my all and I want to make it clear to Bradley how determined I am. This could be my shot to live my dream, true I loved singing and all but acting is just as special to me. I never got the chance to show it and now I do. In such moments I remember hearing the voices of my bullies, Amber Straus, Jack Fetter, May Duner and Lizzie Grude. They weren't the only ones, but they were the most active in making me doubt myself and harassing me.

        I know I can do this but that doesn't mean that there words don't affect me, they told me that I was nothing and that I would also amount to nothing, and at the time it was hard not to believe them, I mean, I was a teenager, my mind was still in development. But I know for me to get out of these thoughts I have to give myself a pep talk a read my favorite poems. Plus reading will get my juices flowing since Bradley and I will be prepping to write music. I asked that since I will be the one writing majority of the music he and I should have a sit down and just get to know each other.

        "Baby, why are you up so early cooking?" asked my now boyfriend Christian Carino. "Because, I want to thank Bradley. Plus I have a feeling we are going to be a while and I don't want to eat junk food all day," I replied in a hushed tone since he just woke up.

        "Okay then, I think that's very thoughtful of you, but I'm still going to bed, I don't have to be up until 8 so bye," he said as he kissed me bye.

        Christian and I have been together for about two weeks, he is a kind man and I know I can trust him. He's also my agent, and I hope he knows how dedicated I tend to get whenever I work on a new project. I hope he accepts that and then I hope if all goes well he'll still be with me, unlike all the other guys I've been with.

        In almost all my relationships every time my career takes off my love life stuffers. It got me really hard when Taylor and I broke up, I really loved him with all my heart, and I still do. I always wonder if I made the right decision. But I will stand by what I love and if he wasn't willing to be support the way I needed then I didn't need him at all. I no longer have a threshold on bullshit with men. I just can't anymore.

        I check the time and realize that its 5:45 and I need to get showered and dress I want to leave at 6:20 and beat all the traffic. I then pack up all the food in some Tupperware and put them in my backpack. I walk out the kitchen and go to the bathroom. I change out of my pajamas and get in the shower, while there I think about how I want to dress, since I know that Bradley apparently wants me bare faced through most of the movie I figure that I just want to be simple and dress comfortably. I don't know why but I feel relaxed when I'm with him, I feel that I can really trust him and it's really confusing because I'm usually a very cautious person.