This annoying bitch said that I didn't smile enough. That I was a 'depressionist'(yes I am aware that's not an actual thing). And I was like "ya ok cool." Then she goes to my teacher and goes. "SHE DOESNT SMILE ENOUGH RIGHT?" And this is where it gets me. My teacher looks at me and he goes. "Well, I don't think you smile as much as you should." And I was blown away. Is it really that obvious that I'm unhappy? I try so hard to hide it. In the beginning of the year my worst grade was a B-. Than it became a C+. Then a C. And my mom saw this and she yelled at me saying that I had been screwing up. And I cried the ENTIRE car ride. And do you want to know why I've been 'screwing up?'
My dad said he was going to get a few beers to go from a local restaurant. Hours later he still hadn't come home. I was in bed watching Voltron(I had taken a shower, put my pjs on AND EVERYTHING). And my mom tells me she's going to go to that restaurant and see what was going on.
When she came back she said that he wasn't there. His car was in the parking lot and he wasn't there. She moved his car so that he would be confused if he came back.
About a half an hour later she made me get up and get dressed and when I asked why she goes, "because I think your father's having an AFFAIR that's why."
I was blown away. I nodded and we left to that restaurant. When we got there we saw a black car circling the parking lot and she asks. "Is your dad in there?" I look and there he was. In the passengers seat of some woman's car. I said yes he is. We made her pull over and made him get out. My mom started yelling at him and I just sat there in the passengers seat of my moms car. When she asked where he was he said "I met a friend so we went to a local bar. That's it." Then I took out my phone and showed him what he said he was going to do....
Get a few beers to go
And I yelled. "WHAT DOES THIS SAY YOU WERE DOING?!" And he didn't say anything. So I continued "AND WHAT DID YOU DO?!" He didn't say anything and so i was silent the rest of the time. We drove off. A few minutes after we got home he got home. I just remember my mom yelling at him and me crying on my bed clutching a pillow. I put on RENT which is my favorite musical and apparently the only thing that makes me happy nowadays.
It's been weird ever since. My mom started wearing makeup. And corsets. And even got highlights. She's been going to the gym like crazy. And before I noticed she was wearing corsets and spanx and shit I just thought she was losing weight. And I got serious anxiety. And I was like "If she lost weight that fast than she's going to be my size and I'm going to look even fatter." So didn't eat. I went a whole day without a full meal. My eating habits still aren't the same. One day I had two meals and felt like I overate so I tried making myself throw up. The most meals I have a day now is two. I'm trying to get to one. Than none. And if eating nothing kills me then it kills me. I'm two fat and I won't stop until I'm thin and beautiful and perfect like how everyone wants me to be.
