Hockey Imagines

Hang ups

A/N: okay so I got inspiration from something along the line and now I can't remember what it was. Stupid B12 making it hard to do literally anything. Shout out to my b12 deficient readers this shit is no fun lol. So anyway I had to finish this without remembering the inspiration and intent so if it's weird sorry. Take it up with my dumb brain. I always have to finish a story even if I lose interest so like?? Oops??

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Your POV

"Auston just go ahead. I'll get home by myself." I said standing in front of the door he opened for me. After a big fight I didn't like to have him drive me home. Lately we'd been fighting a lot because of the stress put on him to clinch a playoff position. Tonight he jumped to conclusions and got mad about a guy sitting next to me.
"(Y/n) please just get in the car. Stop being so difficult."
"I'm not trying to be diffi-"
"Unless you want to leave so you can spend the night with that guy." He said anger settling in his eyes.
"You know damn well that's not it. You KNOW that I would never do that to you." I said with tears welling in ny eyes.
"Well you don't want to be near me so what am I supposed to think?"
"Auston! Will you listen to yourself? I love you. I want to be around you always but you've just been ridiculous  lately. I've been doing so much for you and you constantly find things to yell at me for."
"You haven't done shit for me." He said looking at the ground.
"Are you fucking joking right now? I've been going over to your place and doing anything and everything to make you less stressed. I've been doing laundry, cooking your meals, and cleaning your house. I've been available for you anytime anywhere. I literally flew to fucking Boston a week ago because you called crying in the middle of the night. Don't you ever say I dont do shit for you."
"If I'm that much of a problem then stop doing things for me."
"Aus that isn't what I want at all. I never once said you were too much and I hated doing it. I would do anything for you, I love you."
"You never said it but i know you think it. You think I'm just a dumb needy hockey player."
"No! Never. I've never thought that."
"I've always been a bitch in your eyes."
"No you haven't." We were both silent for a few seconds before I continued. "Auston Matthews. I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you but I'm not going to stay here and be your emotional punching bag."
"(Y/n) come back and get in the car. Please?"
I kept walking out of the parking garage wiping my eyes every once in a while. I got home safe and sound. The subway and bus where a blur but I made it. I laid down on my couch and let out a big cry. My home phone started ringing though. Auston always made fun of me for having one and that made me smile.
"Hello?" I said trying to sound cheerful.
"Baby please don't hang up."
"I wasn't."
"I'm sorry."
"Okay." I said quietly.
"Fuck it. (Y/n) I'm coming up right now." He said before hanging up leaving me in confusion. A few seconds later I heard keys in my door before Auston burst through.
"Hi."
"Baby..have you been crying?"
"Ummm judging by my red puffy eyes and red nose I would say no." My joke made a small smile from on his lips.
"Was it because of me?"
"Kind of."
"C'mere." He pulled me into one of his warm bear hugs and kissed my forehead. "I'm so so sorry."
"I accept your apology." I said pulling back and sitting on the couch. He followed my lead and sat beside me before pulling my legs over his lap.
"I had it all worked out (y/n). I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I just completely fucked it. It's like my mouth and my brain aren't even connected." He said quietly picking lint off my pants.
"Don't say that Aus."
"It's so true though. I always cause fights and I don't mean to but it just happens and I don't know why." Tears gathered in his eyes and one fell down his cheek. I leaned over and wiped it away leaving a kiss where it was.
"Auston you've been under a lot of pressure lately. Obviously you're going to need to let that out. I just wish you'd talk about it with me instead of exploding over small things that don't matter."
"What do you mean?"
"Well tonight for example. There was a boy sitting beside me and after a day of not talking to me you exploded when I came to congratulate you on the win. You didn't even know what was going on but because you're holding so much in, that triggered your anger."
"I always feel really bad sharing feelings. It makes me feel weak or something."
"Aus you're not weak. Sharing feelings isn't weak. Do you think I'm weak?"
"Of course not baby, never."
"I share feelings all the time. This thing that all boys need to hide feelings is not rad. You've got just as much right to share. You block yourself with your ego and pride."
"I just wish it was easier." He said cuddling into me more.
"Then let's make it easier."
"How?"
"Come upstairs with me."
"I like where this is going." He said with a dopey grin. We went to my room and he sat down on the bed.
"Let's go. Under the covers." I say shooing him to his side.
"Okay why are we completely cocooned except a breathing hole? Are you still upset? Tell me what I can do to help I'll do just about anyth-"
"Aus, this isn't about me. You're sad. It's your turn to let stuff out. It's time to leave the tough guy ego out of this blanket. He's not welcome."
"Why do you want to know..?"
"Baby because I love you with all my heart and it hurts me to see you so sad and angry and exhausted. I don't want you to ever think you can't talk to me about stuff. I might not always understand but I'm always here to listen and do my best to comfort you, or offer advice, or to just support you. You're not by yourself, we're a team. I'm on your side."
He took my face in his hand and gave me a really hard kiss. He pulled back but stayed close to me.
"I'm just not used to this. Like having someone like you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you're someone I can trust and who supports me or stays when I'm angry. I've never had a girl like that. They've all just used me. You don't use me for anything. You're incredible and it scares me."
"How come Aus?"
"Because I don't deserve any of it."
"Don't say that. You deserve the world."
"You're so good to me and I'm always just so bad and mean to you."
"Baby no.." I said running my fingers through his hair.
"Yes."
"You're just stressed. I get it."
"I am stressed but it's not just that. I feel really..uh..really um..like..insecure I guess."
"About what?"
"Well about the team a lot. I can't do what they want me to do all the time. I can't be the amazing guy who can just score no problem. They expect so much of me. When I get hurt I can't ever relax because I know the guys will play different and everyone will blame me for it. Everyone is always depending on me and when I don't meet their expectations I feel terrible."
"Auston, the boys and coaches understand that. So do the people who care about you outside of the team. No one can be perfect all the time but we're all still proud of you. You're still an incredible player. The fans and the wahoos might say it's all you but you're a part of a team. There are so many other guys who are fully capable of playing the game. Just because the guys don't step up when you're gone doesn't mean it's your fault. Even when you're just having a bad day there's at least 19 people who could do things. You don't let anyone who matters down."
"I dunno.."
"Do you want to know what I think?"
"Yeah of course darling." He said looking at me while holding tighter to my hip.
"I think you put a lot of this pressure on yourself. That you expect too much of yourself and project that onto other people so you don't have to think about it as much."
"That's probably true. I do expect a lot out of myself."
"I know you do. It worries me sometimes when you're injured and stuff. You don't quit when you're told to."
"M'sorry."
"Don't be sorry." I said letting out a giggle. "I love your determination Auston. I just know you expect a lot. But you're good enough. More than good enough." We were quiet for a little bit while I played with his hair and he looked at my face.
"This is exactly why I've never deserved you. You're always there and always wonderful to me. I said nasty things to you tonight and you let me in and comforted me. I can't believe how patient you always are with my temper. All I do is fuck up and all you do is everything besides fuck up."
"Babe you're always there for me. You help me through all my bad thoughts. You've helped me start to beat anorexia. You always make me feel comfortable and calm. Like I'm worth something. You gained my trust which is hard to do. You make me happy to be alive Auston. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. Why wouldn't I spend all my time trying to support and care for you?" I asked him wiping a tear from my cheek. "If anything it's me that doesn't deserve you."
"That's crazy (y/n). Dont say that."
"I just appreciate you so much." He pulled himself up and kissed me again.
"Can you cuddle me?" He asked under his breath.
"Of course baby, always. Come here." I opened my arms to him and he laid on top of me with his head by my neck. I put one arm around his neck and the other around his back. This was my favourite kind of cuddle but we'd never done it before because he likes to cuddle me and not the other way around.
"Thank you." He mumbled quietly.
"You don't have to thank me Aus. I'm in this thing with you. I'm not going anywhere. You're the best and I want you to feel like the best."
"God, that..that means so much to me."
"Me too." I said kissing his forehead.
"I hate feeling so insecure about stuff."
"I feel that big time my guy. Do you want to talk more about team?"
"No I want to talk about you."
"About me?"
"That's what happened tonight. I'm kind of insecure about you. I'm afraid someone a lot better or better looking is going to come along and I'm gonna lose my person."
"You think I'm your person?" I asked smiling softly and looking away from his eyes. He used his thumb and finger to turn my head back up to meet his eyes.
"I don't think you're my person. I know you are. I'm sorry I haven't said it before now."
I was quiet for a minute before I broke into the biggest smile. I was blushing like crazy and I hugged him tighter to me making him laugh.
"If I had know you'd react like this and be so cute about it I would've told you a long time ago."
"Auston! You knew for a long time and you never said?" I laugh yelled at him.
"Uh yeah that's pretty much exactly it. I was too nervous to tell you in case you didn't feel the same."
I giggled at how cute he looked before bringing his face to mine to give him a happy kiss. That kiss lead to a million kisses all around my face.
"Aus?"
"Hmm?" He was still leaving kiss trails on my cheeks.
"I've never been happier in my life. I'm so happy that we're both on the same page with what we're feeling."
"What do you mean?" He mumbled against my face.
"You're my person baby." I said bringing his lips to mine in a more passionate kiss to get my point across.
"I know I've got baggage and hangups and it seems like I don't care but in all seriousness I'm so in love with you." He stroked my face with his fingers. "I know I've never said it but you're the first girlfriend I've ever said it to. Everyone else just wasn't for me. They weren't like you. God that was so fucking cheesy and stupid I'm sorry. This is why I shouldn't share feelings."
"I love you too." Is all I said before hugging him close to me again.
"Ya know what's kinda funny?"
"What babe?"
"I thought we would come upstairs and bang to relieve the anger but all we did was talk and I exposed myself to you verbally."
"Yeah I guess you did. I'm glad you did."
"I think you'd be glad if I exposed myself to you in other ways too." He said with a smug smile.
"Oh my God be quiet." I said giggling while hiding my face behind my hands. "This was not the mood that was intended here you ween."
"I bet I can get your mood to match mine really fast." He said mischievously pulling my hands away.
"Nah I don't think so."
"You dont think so eh?"
"Nope." Auston laughed at me and sat up. He took his shirt off making my eyes immediately taking in the sight while my hands reached out to touch him. Auston grabbed my wrists and pinned them down. He settled between my legs again and looked at me.
"Cutiepie you're such a liar."
"No." I said quickly. He brought his lips to my neck and kissed it gently.
"Yes." He replied as he started sucking and biting my neck.
"Yes." I whispered squirming a little.
"I know that darling. You're so easy for me." He looked at me again with an intense look in his eyes.
"That's because I always want you. Duh."
"You're precious." He laughed before kissing me properly. He broke away and just smiled at me while he rubbed my sides.
"I don't want to be precious right now, I wanna be sexy." I said pouting dejectedly.
"Well baby, I always think you're sexy. I can't keep my hands off you sometimes because you just drive me crazy with how hot you really are." I still felt a little annoyed at myself but then he grinded down on me and I forgot about me completely. "You feel that? That's what happens every time I see you in my jersey, in my clothes, it yoga pants, in jeans, in skirts, in fancy dresses, in pajamas, in a bathing suit..literally anything or nothing. I always think you're so fucking hot baby. You're just also one of the most precious people i've ever met. Your personality is so pure but you're so nasty for me in private and I just love how you are. I'm sorry if I made you feel insecure about that but I mean I'm still rock hard so if that isn't telling I don't know what is."
"You're fucking ridiculous." I said pulling him in for a kiss.
"Told you I could get your mood to match mine quickly." He said smirking at me.
"Shut up." I giggled pulling him close to me again.
"Love you."
"I love you too Aus, so much. I don't care about your hang ups. I'm always here and I'll always support you even through the hang ups."