Chapter 7 - Twenty- Eight

I Have A Story To Tell, Soul of the Blackbutterfly

All the who, what, how triggered that unknown thing in me and as a result I blocked out the world, I block out my entire reality...
... “We were having a baby.”...  It was the reason my boys snapped on me that night at the condo after the party, they never knew I was pregnant until I sat back on that couch and they saw my stomach.  It was the reason Michael would come stay with me every other weekend. Why Michelle and I spent New Years Eve 1994 on my sofa and loveseat because I was sick.... the reason Kevin cut Naaz’s locs and sent them to me in a plastic bag as if to release my essence from our son... also what Stanley had been watching from the distance assuming I had killed his seed but noticing the changes, his seed was actually growing and living in me and I never spoke a word of it. In reality I knew it was real...I did everything I could do to hide it from the world and myself. I hated when the dude I was dating would tell his friends he was about to be a daddy...It’s like I was living within two dimensions of reality, one day I was going to have a baby, maybe while in the tub or walking down the street, who knows?  I was five almost six months pregnant and hadn’t had a single doctor’s visit, I literally had not come face to face with the reality.