Honestly, Beautiful -- Amber Liu and Eric Nam FF

5. I just wanna

Amber had JackJack on her lap as she watched the news footage of the shooting in Chinatown in New York. Eric had been missing from the area for two days. After his last performance of his American tour, he went, without his manager, straight from stage to Chinatown in search of supper. Most likely, he landed up in the café where the white supremacist terrorist opened fire. Within minutes the gunman had brutally murdered a total of fifty people in an all-night café, waffle shop and noodle house. Twenty people were seriously injured in hospital and the police were yet to release any names. Experts confirmed that had the attack been in the day, the causality numbers would have tripled. Everyone was glad it had happened late at night. Still as stories of grieving friends and family of missing people appeared on screen, the images threatened to drown her in fresh waves of sorrow. She was drowning at the thought of him....

Amber got up for a drink of water. In her heart, she did not want to admit to herself if Eric were alive he would have called someone, anyone. Resourceful and smart, he could survive anywhere and rally others to safety. All his fans had watched in fascination as Eric helped his team complete missions in Sicily, Sri Lanka, Estonia and Tasmania. His silence only confirmed that he was either hurt or dead.

If he was anywhere within reach of a communication device, he would have seen his fans flooding social media with footage of themselves crying buckets, anxiously tweeting and praying for his safety. His friends on the group chat speculated if he had been kidnapped or is trapped somewhere. No one could bear the thought of a world without him in it. ...most of all not his grieving family.

Sitting back in front of the television, she wished he would just turn up now, walk through her apartment door and give her that reassuring hug he always gave whenever they met. The television flickered and more names of the deceased were released. Families were being interviewed and quick profiles of the dead were given airtime. They were spared the horrific images of screaming and death. Only the barest attention was given to killer so that his twisted desire for celebrity status by committing heinous acts would be thwarted.

"Among the possible dead is the Korean-American singer and interviewer Eric Nam," said the news reporter on television. "This tragedy has been compared to Korean-American singer Charles Park, known by his stage name Seo Ji-won. On Jan. 1, 1996, the nineteen year old was one of the first celebrities to take his own life. In his suicide note, he expressed concern about the sudden success of his debut album, and whether its follow-up, which he had finished recording before his death, would be equally successful. In contrast, Eric Nam's highly successful music career and premature death has been a result of an act of random violence and hatred." Snippets of footage from Eric's achievements filled the screen including their duet, "I just wanna..."

Amber wiped away her tears with her sleeve. She thought she had run out of tears but her sobs continued coming. How will the entire entertainment industry react in Korea when his body is found? Amber remembered how when South Korean group SHINee's lead vocalist Kim Jonghyun died legions of fans were left heartbroken and an entire industry was plunged into bereavement. His sudden suicide at the age of 27 sparked numerous discussions about the price of fame, the competitive K-pop industry and the severity of depression that leads celebrities into taking their own lives. Her own struggle with depression in the past had made her withdraw. Yet, in the midst of that, her friends had supported each other through thick and thin. Her mum's prayers had sustained her.

She would never allow herself to fall into that state again—Eric and her had talked about this often and she knew wherever he was he would want her to fight this off. Thinking about their determination to fight for those who feel like they could not go on. She got up and turned up her cover of her favourite Linkin Park song on her Youtube channel. It seemed to fit her resolve to challenge the darkness.

"Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do," crooned her voice from her computer. The lyrics made her remember saying once to a reporter, "I always felt like I was alone and because people never understood me I had to shut myself out from the world. Art and music was the only thing that could ever help me get over that. Linkin Park wrote songs with lyrics that made me feel like I'm not the only one out there that feels like this. Sometimes we trap ourselves in a bubble. But then, I made some good friends who've counselled me through things.Mentors who really believed in me and made me believe in myself. I hope to fight for equality and to help people get over their anxiety or depression. I hope that we can all come together more as ac ommunity. We challenged each other in different ways." She smiled as she thought of her crazy Watermelon Challenge. This was a real challenge.

 "You know the weird thing is that I thought I saw Eric Nam, like a ghost float by my window," said a disembodied voice from the television.

"What? Say that again!" Amber asked her telly. The programme had gone into commercials. She quickly Google searched for the missed segment on Youtube. As expected someone had recorded the footage and uploaded it online.

"I was sitting having noodle soup with my friends when I thought I saw the ghost of Eric Nam through the shop window," said the pretty teenager in the video clip. "We rushed out to look for him amongst the alleys and backstreets but couldn't find him. When we got back to the shop, the police had already arrived and cordoned off the area. The ghost of Eric Nam saved us." The pretty long-haired Asian American girl made a heart sign with her fingers and her friends nodding in the background did the same.

Amber stood up suddenly and started pacing. Just as abruptly, she sat down to watch the footage again. Quickly, she sent a message and the link to her social media pages, friend group chats, grabbed her coat and rushed out the door while talking to her manager on her phone.

All the messages said the same thing, "Eric Nam is alive. Watch this video. Off to New York to look for him. Who will join me?"