Bad Fanfiction and Why It Should Burn

Punctuation #2 - Too Many Exclamation/Question Marks

ANNIE:

Okay, back to the punctuation series.

*dramatic trumpet fanfare plays*

Yay. What fun. Not.

Let me just reiterate, punctuation is third-grade stuff. Possibly even lower. But because you guys are probably eager to get to the lesson, let us proceed.

So, children, exclamation marks and question marks. There shouldn't even be a lesson for this. The usage is literally there in each of their names. Question mark - should be placed after a question. Exclamation marks - should be placed when the author wants to give a feeling of excitement.

Of these two, you'll see exclamation marks more commonly than question marks. People apparently understand that a question mark should not be placed after virtually every sentence. But exclamation marks are a problem. You use then when you want to show shock, excitement, fear, astonishment, joy, etc. Tell me, how many ordinary people are shocked, excited, scared, astonished, or joyous all the time? Exactly zero. Well, apart from those annoying kindergarten teachers, and television commercial people. But yeah, no believable book character, or real person, would constantly talk like this:

'I went to the mall yesterday! I bought a new dress! It cost $500! My mom was so mad at me for spending so much money on it! But I didn't care! 'Cause I got the dress! Yippee! But now I'm grounded for a month!'

Okay, maybe some people talk like that. But I honestly hope I never meet them. I don't think my brain could handle the over-enthusiasm. Ugh.

The same dialogue, written in normal people style would be something like this:

'I went to the mall yesterday, and I bought a new dress. It cost $500, and my mom was so mad at me for spending so much money on it. But I didn't care, 'cause I got the dress! Yippee! But now I think I might be grounded for a month.'

I still don't want to meet this kind of person. Why would anybody spend $500 on a dress, of all things? If I was allowed to do what I wanted to do with it, I would buy the bookstore. Or at least part of the bookstore. But my point is, if I did meet a person like that, it would be easier for me to handle (which is to say, not easy at all, but slightly [marginally] easier than if they spoke the previous way, in which case I would probably run out of the room, hands on my ears, screaming, and the exclamation marks used would be entirely in context.

So, this chapter was kind of short, or at least short compared to Sai's, but hope you people (whoever's reading this) understood that 80% of the world's sentences end in full stops. Which is to say, they are normal sentences, and that exclamation marks and question marks are saved for sentences which need that kind of emotion or lilt.
Also, don't use more than three exclamation marks, question marks, or periods in a sentence, because it makes your work look unprofessional. And it also burns my eyes.
Until next chapter.