WHOP! WHOP! PASSING AS MALE W/ JORDAN!!!

shit can be lonely

Shits lonely but I feel like it's mostly my fault.

I think somewhere in one of the chapters an article was talking about the levels of dysphoria, and how it can be really bad for some people and not very strong for other. (just so you know what one I'm talking about, it also mentions that different things can trigger it for different people)

welp, mine fucking sucks. I'm not sure if it's just dysphoria because I have been medically diagnosed with medium to high depression by my therapist (don't worry I'm not one of those basic ass white girls that diagnose themselves with depression for attention)

I just want to feel better but the things people tell me do that they think will make me happy never work. 

I hate exercise or going out side in general. My dysphoria just gets worse and school is horrible. I can't tell my parents without them either freaking out or not giving a fuck, I can't skip (or not too much) because I really do want to be a good person. But the way people look at me, the pronouns and having to talk to so many people and herring my voice and all the noise. 

The only person that has ever really understood me and listened to me is on the other side of the world. She makes me so happy and she is probably the best thing in my life, I love her so much and if I don't talk to her enough in a day everything just gets worse

I hate crying. not because it makes me feel weak or anything but I hate it because I'm worried if I start crying I will just keep feeling more and it will keep on coming and I don't want to feel that much hurt all at once.

Some days just feel like a build up to a break down

Being tired and uncomfortable all the time really gets in the way of everything. I can't do my work at school, I can't talk to people, I can't genuinely like myself at all, there is just so much I can't do. 

now I'm crying at school. fuck. I'm mainly crying because of this song (that I'm listening to)

just the lyrics "there's nothing to do right now but try there are a hundred people who will listen to you cry and I get that they don't get it but they love you so much that you won't regret it" just break me

all I want is to be myself without the world hating me for it. If I could be myself and people wouldn't hate me for it then I would be happy and proud of who I am.

but we don't live in the kind of world where everybody can be happy and proud of who they are... 

...because lots of people don't understand anything beyond the normal. 

I'm just so sick of all ways being in the minority, always having to explain myself to other people who are used to the assumed and obvious 

in case it isn't obvious enough, I hate my self,  for so many reasons. 

I'm just not.... right. I'm not okay, I'm not 'myself', I'm not who I want to be.

I want you to be proud of who you are and I want you to think your the best, most amazing person in the universe and I want you to be happy. but for some people it takes time, and I suppose  I'm just one of those people.

(okay I'm just gonna post it without reading over it)