L'appel du vide

Chapter One Poltergeist

The car ride is quiet, exceptionally so, the radio is off and Seth can't even hear the sound of his siblings fighting in the back, they always fight loud enough to be a nuisance, today it's deadly silent.

"Seth honey, are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean we could always get you some other type of help." His mother, Kim, mentions as her eyes flicker to the side to momentarily look at her son.

"Mom we've been through this, I have to come here, this is where I'm the safest." Seth hates the way her eyes start to well with wetness.

"Okay. Okay, yeah I know, I just hate having to do this. No mother wants to send their child off to a mental facility." Seth slouches in his seat, fingers playing with a loose strand of denim off of his frayed jeans.

It's quiet again. Seth hates quiet, he's so accustomed to sound that he's associated it with living and being okay. Silence means there's something wrong and Seth just wants to scream to fill the void.

The car comes to a stop and Seth looks out the window, he's out front of the hospital, he turns to his mother and watches as tears silently trickle down her face in ugly rivulets that he knows are his doing.

"H-how long will you be here for?" Seth wants to give her the easy simple answer, the one that hurts her the least.

"I'm not sure, until I'm better I guess." Kim nods and wipes at her lashes.

"Okay well you go an' get better you hear? I want you back home soon, back with us." Seth watches his mother pop her seatbelt off and lean over the centre console.

Her arms are open and waiting, Seth leans in and closes his eyes, she holds him tight against her chest just like she did when he was younger and came to her after a bad dream. In a way this feels like a bad dream.

"I'll be fine mom, I'll be home in no time." Even when he says it he knows both of them don't believe it. It sounds so fake, so plastic.

"Alright, I love you Seth." Kim's lips smack a kiss against his temple and she leans back into her seat.

"Love you too mom."

Seth stares at her taking in everything before he goes. He grabs his backpack and opens the car door, he slides out and slams the door shut before he changes his mind and gets back in, the car pulls off almost immediately and Seth knows it's not because she wants him gone, it's because she wants him to stay and can't bear watching her little boy leave.

Seth turns back to the hospital entrance and sling his backpack over both arms, he walks slowly in through the electric glass sliding door and heads to the reception desk.

"Excuse me?" The woman swivels her chair to face him and she puts on a cheery smile.

"How can I help you love?"

"Can you give me directions to the mental health department?" The lady, Rosemary, nods and taps a few keys on her keyboard before answering.

"So you wanna head to the third floor, from the elevator you're gonna turn right and head right to the end of the hallway, you'll come to a sign that says mental health just follow that and you'll get there."

"Thank you." Seth smiles and walks to the elevator.

He follows Rosemarys directions exactly and eventually finds himself standing out front of the mental health department. Seth stares at the glass door for what seems like forever, he doesn't want to go in, once he goes in that means he's admitting to the fact that there is something wrong with him.

"You just gonna stand there all day or are you gonna go in?" Seth startles at the voice beside him.

"Uh, I'm gonna go in." Seth examines the woman that stands next to him.

Her brown hair is tied back neatly in a bun and she wears blue scrubs, she has a stethoscope wrapped around her neck that is rainbow colored and an array of pins hooked through the cloth.

She smiles at Seth and opens the door for him, he gently thanks her and walks in, solidifying his decision about being here.

Seth walks with her to the front desk, she chats quickly to the man at the desk before disappearing behind the counter.

"Welcome to the mental health clinic, do you have an appointment?" Seth shakes his head.

"I'm kinda here because I think there might be something wrong with me." It feels weird saying it out loud.

"Okay if you'll just fill out this paperwork please, we can get you in to see a doctor in no time." Seth takes the neon green clipboard from the mans hand and sits down on one of the plush chairs.

The paperwork is simple, straightforward, Seth fills it out to the best of his ability before giving it back. He waits patiently to be called, sits on the leather seat for what must be hours before he's called by the same lady who he met by the door.

"You're Seth right? I'm Carol, I'll be seeing to your obs before a Doctor will come and see you." Carol takes Seth into a small examination room and gets him to sit on the bench.

"Alright before we start I just have to get the obvious questions out of the way, you don't drink or smoke do you?" Seth tells her no.

"Are you sexually active?" Carol scribbles things down on her clipboard and once again Seth answers no.

"Okay, are you taking any type of medication?"

"I only take my inhaler when I need it, does that count?" Carol nods and Seth tells her what one he's taking.

"Alright now that's all done and dusted, I'll just take your vitals and you'll be finished here."

Carol checks his heart and pulse rate, she puts a cuff around his arm and knocks his knees and elbows with a little hammer before checking temperature.

"Okay, done and done, you're free to stay here and wait for the Doctor." Carol finishes writing on her clipboard before leaving Seth.

He's alone and mostly scared, he doesn't really want to be here.

"Are you Seth Parker?" Seth stops fiddling with his jeans and nods.

"That's me, yes, uh yeah." The Doctor comes into the room and sits down on the office chair.

"I'm Doctor Ripley, it's nice to meet you. What brings you here today Seth?"

"Well I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with me, I mean I get this weird feeling that overcomes me sometimes, like the other day I nearly cut my finger off because I wanted to know what it'd feel like. When I was younger I almost burnt myself, for the same reason. I've had these weird moments where I become a danger to myself over dangerous things." Seth explains the best he can.

"So when you say feelings overcoming you, what do you mean?"

"Like I have this switch in my head that flips on and tells me to do this thing because it needs to, wants me to." Seth hates how crazy he sounds.

"And you said you've been doing this since you were a little kid?" The Doctor asks.

"Uh yeah, the earliest I remember is like seven or eight years old." Seth watches the doctor write something on his paper.

"Seth do you ever feel like there is something that makes you unhappy? That makes you want to do these things to yourself?"

"Sometimes, it's not depression if that's what you're asking, I've already talked to somebody about that." Seth rushes to say.

"Okay, is there anything else you wanna tell me?"

"I sometimes have this overwhelming desire to kill myself. Like I've never tried or anything but sometimes I think about it for days." That definitely gets written down.

The room is quiet except for Doctor Ripley making small humming noises.

"Seth, I think we should admit you, get you into a ward and seeing a psychologist. We'll prescribe you some meds that'll help with the feelings you have and give you a week of observations before deciding what to do from then on. How does that sound to you?" Doctor Ripley looks up at him and Seth can tell that there is something badly wrong with him.

"Yeah that sounds good."