you can't see the stars in nyc | lil peep

2

E L I Z A
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when i wake up in gustav's bed, it's 8:30 on a friday and once again i'm late. it's a continuous cycle and a habit i should break, but i don't want to. his calloused hands feel amazing on my skin and the bliss i feel while he's going down on me isn't comparable.

but whatever, i'm with him practically every night. the only things i know about him is his first name, his age, and his body. the only thing i remember about our first encounter was that he was off a bean and i was drunk as can be at the bar around the corner from his place. he's got delicious tattoos all over his body and a certain strength to him that doesn't match what his physique looks like.

clothes are on, teeth are brushed, hair is thrown into a bun to disguise the messiness of my curls.

as i leave the bathroom one of his roommates, i think his name is tracy, gives me a quick nod of his head before sliding into the bathroom. he knows, but i don't think he really knows. i rush out of there to beat traffic and i still find myself sitting in it, blaring the horn and pleading to God that traffic will move. eventually it does and i'm sitting in my office working on a project which deadline is today.

i work in a fashion company as the assistant to the vice CEO of the company. it's a pretty light job, except for the fact that my boss, calum hood, has been trying to get me to go out with him since i started here a year ago. as i'm sitting in my rolling chair, my left knee bouncing as i try and focus, my coworker and the only person i tolerate here walks by and seats herself on top of my desk.

"anna can you move please? if i don't get this draft in, hood will actually kill me." i sighed. she looked at me, tilted her head to the left, and burst out laughing. "what? what's so funny? quiet down before i get in trouble again!"

"you should have blended your foundation with your neck." is all she says before she walks away giggling. i pick up my phone with my brows furrowed, open my camera, and almost choke on my spit at the sight. fucking gustav left a fat hickey under my left ear. i grabbed my makeup bag and rushed to the bathroom before my boss, hood, saw me. he was already really fucking creepy and i don't want him saying anything.

in the bathroom i pull out my phone and shoot gus a quick text.

Eliza: nice job dick head, someone noticed this hickey before i did you fucking leech. i don't want to get into trouble for this.

Gustav: you'll be fine. you didn't seem too mad about it last night. and watch your mouth before i put you in your place.

i hated the affect he had on me, i immediately pressed my thighs together at the threat.

Eliza: yes daddy.

Gustav: good girl.

i heavily swallowed and pulled myself together, masking the mark as best as i could and left the restroom still flustered.
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i left the office close to 6,  i had to finish my project but i couldn't get gustav off my mind so my brain was a little scattered. the only thing that helped me rush through it was the fact that hood and i were about to be the only two people in the building, and trust me i did not want that. last time it happened, he blocked the exit until i agreed to meet him for drinks after work. i told him i'd drive my car there, but instead made a left turn and drove home.

he's smart though, he can't fire me because he knows i'll go straight to corporate and file a suit against them. everyday i question why i haven't quit yet, but honestly i'm extremely intimidated by this man, and if i stay a little longer i'll get promoted and be able to get the fuck out of this office. my hourly pay is shit and this promotion will have me working on a salary. and again, it will get me the fuck out of here.

it's 7:48 and i'm in my bed, trying to fight the urge to text gus about tonight. i shouldn't be doing this to myself, i should be looking for a steady relationship. i should be with someone who actually gives a fuck about me. granted, gus and i both get satisfaction out of this. but it's not ideal.

then again, last night he told me to sit on his face. i reluctantly did, i had never done it before and i was kind of nervous. but oh my god, i came so hard, i couldn't hold myself up anymore. i've gotten head before but no one has ever made me orgasm.

so i keep him around. he knows what i need, i'd be stupid to let him go.

i picked up my phone to text him, and as soon as i unlock it i get an incoming call from him.

Eliza: i was just about to text you.

Gustav: good. i know it's early, but i had a stressful day at work and i need to blow some steam. tracy isn't coming home tonight so i'm expecting to see you no later than 10. bring the handcuffs.

before i even get the chance to respond, he's hung up the phone and i'm left with my core beginning to drip and my brain full of wild fantasies about tonight. gus bought a pair of handcuffs for us months ago, but we never used them, mainly because i've never used them before and i was pretty nervous. so i hold on to them and pray that he never asks me to bring them.

it's 8:34 and i figured i should hop into the shower now since it takes me an hour to get ready and 20 minutes to get to his crib. i had to resist the urge to touch myself because gus made it clear he doesn't want me touching myself unless he's there. telling anyone else that i'm a grown ass woman letting a man control me like that would make them look at me like i had three heads. but honestly, i secretly love how submissive he makes me.

one day last month when i walked into his apartment, he handed me a victoria secret bag that contained the laciest lingerie i've ever seen a day in my damn life. there was hardly any coverage and i've been flat out refusing to wear it. i figured since i'm being pushed to step out of my comfort zone tonight i might as well throw on the set. it slips on with ease and can be discreetly covered under my sweatpants and sweater.

it's 9:46 and i'm on the road headed toward gus' house. handcuffs are in my duffel bag packed away with extra clothes. my palma are beginning to sweat onto the steering wheel, something that happens practically every time i drive over there. i've been to his place a million times, but there's still a substantial amount of butterflies that erupt every time i pull into his driveway.

it's 10:13 and i already know gus is going to be annoyed that i was late, it's just how he is. i open the door he left unlocked for me and head into his room, where he's sitting on his bed waiting for me.

he abruptly stands and pushes me against the door, wrapping his hands around my neck and towering over my 5'1 stance. "did you check the time? i said 10, not 10:15. do you understand me?" his eyes burn into mine, and i manage to squeak out a "yes".

"yes what?" he demands

"yes daddy."

"good girl, get on the bed."
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a lil get to know me!

my name is kiki, i'm 17 and i've been a fan of peep since lil peep; part one came out in 2015. i use writing as an outlet for my stressors, i mainly write these things for myself. much love.