you can't see the stars in nyc | lil peep

6

ELIZA
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it's 4:47pm on a monday and i'm sitting at my desk trying to keep myself busy. i get bored very easily and i really hate this job so it's really difficult to keep myself entertained. i've already filled my quota for the day and have done everything on my checklist so now anna and i are just sending each other memes from our cubicles across the room.

i giggle at one she sends me about a cat and just as i do, calum walks past me and stops in his tracks when he sees me smiling.

"what's so funny?" he asks me, peering over my shoulder to look at the video.

"oh, um, it's just a video. sorry, i shouldn't be on my phone," i blush.

"no, no! it's okay." he smiles. he presses play on the video and watches the cat do a backflip off of a deck of a house and he laughs, placing both his hands on both of my shoulders.

i laugh uncomfortably and shrug my shoulders a bit, trying to send him a signal that i don't want him touching me, but he doesn't seem to get the hint. eventually he walks into his office, and i'm relieved.

about thirty minutes later, calum pokes his head out of his office and motions me to come in. my heels clack on the floor as i slowly creep into his office and sit in one of the two chairs in front of his desk.

(TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL HARASSMENT)

"yes, mr. hood?" i ask.

"i just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. you're put under so much pressure, being my assistant and all. you know, i can always pull a few strings and get you a position at Fashion Central." he smirked.

my eyes widened, everyone knows i've always wanted to work there, but you need a starter job before you can work your way up there. i'm about to ask him to do it before i realize that with calum, there's always a catch.

i narrow my eyes at him. "really, now? and what would i have to do?"

"well," he pauses and stalks around the desk and sits down in the chair next to me. "as are you, i'm so stressed and tired all the time, i could use some relief." and with that he places a hand on my exposed thigh and starts caressing it.

i immediately freeze. the skin where calum's hand is rubbing is burning and my mind is screaming at me to tell him to stop, but my throat is so dry and i can't formulate the words.

his hands begin hiking up my skirt and my thighs pressing together, but he keeps trying to force them open with the hand he's using.

"so, what do you say? you'll be a good girl and won't tell anyone right?"

"i-"

there's a sudden knock at the door and calum snatches his hand back and clears his throat. i let out a breath that i didn't even know i was holding.

"come in," he sighs, and anna pokes her head in. i damn near sprint out the office, collect my things, and speed home.
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it's 9:47pm and i'm curled up in bed drinking rosé and trying to forget about today. i sat in the bathtub for over an hour scrubbing at the same spot calum touched trying to get rid of the feeling, but it's still there. the effect of the alcohol is hitting me pretty hard and the music i'm listening to is going so fucking hard right now.

i hear my phone go off and i peer over to read it.

Gustav: Come over?
read 9:50pm

i don't even bother responding, i just get up, slide my shoes on and stumble out of my house. i don't even think i should be driving right how, but i don't even care.

i make the drive and it's a miracle i don't get pulled over, or that i make it to gus's house alive, but i'm here. i open the door and walk into his room, walking into the wall and giggle a little bit before falling onto the bed.

"are you okay?" he asks with a confused look on his face.

"i feel great. come give me a kiss." i laugh.

"eliza, are you drunk right now?"

"no," i say, dragging out the 'o'.

"i'm not having sex with you while you're drunk. you're so stupid for driving over here while you're this fucked up. you could've gotten hurt," gus sighed.  it was at that moment when everything hit me, and i could feel myself starting to tear up. oh no no no.

"i wouldn't have started drinking if my fucking boss hadn't fucking groped me. he's such a fucking creep," i sobbed before i could stop myself. why am i crying in front of this man? he doesn't even care about me.

"woah, what? your boss did what? i'll fucking kill him." gus seethed. "it's okay, you're safe now. we'll talk about this in the morning. come here." he motioned me to get under the covers and when i did he did something i never expected him to do, he ran his fingers through my hair once, kissed my forehead, and then rolled over and turned out the lamp and went to to bed.
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it's 8:00am and i wake up to my alarm blaring in my ear. i roll over to turn it off, and my pounding headache is preventing me from sitting up. it takes me a minute to realize i'm not in my bed, but rather in gustav's. i can't remember much from last night, the last thing i remember was opening up a brand new bottle of rosé and drinking damn near the whole thing. i look to my left and realize gus isn't even in here, so i brace myself and stand up and immediately run down the hall to the bathroom to throw up the contents of yesterday into the toilet.

i flush the toilet and brush my teeth with the toothbrush that i leave here and walk into the kitchen to find gus and jazz laughing over something.

jazz nods in my direction, daps gus up, and walks out of the room and into his room. i sit down at the table and collect my thoughts before asking my questions.

"how did i get here?"

"you drove here like a fucking idiot." he rolled his eyes. well, that answers my question. "and no, we didn't have sex because you were so fucked up. i just put you to bed."

"okay... what did i say last night?" i asked nervously.

his eyes softened for a moment before his usual hard expression was sent my way again. "all i'm saying is, you should really quit your job."

i nodded and looked down at my lap. "i'm sorry. i didn't mean to show up at your crib like this."

"it's cool, you don't gotta apologize. just never, ever, drive drunk again. you understand me?"

i nodded again. he offered me some tylenol for my hangover which i gladly accepted, then i decided to call out of work for the rest of the week before i decided what my next move would be.

i went home and put my phone on do not disturb and watched aimless television for the rest of the day. it's gonna be a long week.
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sorry for taking so long to update! i know there's not many of you guys right now but i hope to see more of you reading this. i've got some great ideas for this book ❤️.

-kiki (they/them)